According to 2018 numbers from World Health Organization, it is estimated that 300 million people around the world suffer from depression. Whilst it may be very tough for them to deal with this illness, being around them might also be a challenge. And many times, friends and family only notice it later than would be ideal. “Unfortunately, it’s easier to notice signs that a friend has depression when the disease is already in a more severe stage”, says Catarina Sung, psychologist specialized in behavior analysis.
- Ask about them
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Each case has its particularities, but there are times when people dealing with depression aren’t willing to do even the simple, daily activities, such as taking a shower or making their bed. If you notice attitudes like these in a friend, Dr. Sung advises that the most appropriate way to reach them is simply asking if everything’s okay and if they’d like some help. Tell them what you’ve been noticing in their behavior, not in a reprehensive way, but as someone who’s worried and cares about them.
- Respect their space
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After that first part, the key thing is to respect your friend’s moment. “Sometimes, even they know that everything’s pretty odd, but they may not be ready to face that yet”, explains Catarina. According to her, what you can do is search for more information about depression, offer help in finding a therapist and be open to listen, for example. “It’s about being present, but also giving them space and understanding that this is a difficult moment. You have to notice this fine line between giving a little push and respecting their time, so you won’t become another weight over them”.
- Insist a little bit if they reject hangouts
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Catarina suggests that one of the best ways to support someone with depression is to not treat their condition as a taboo and keep the friendship on as it’s always been. “When a person is going into this process, they may decline many invitations to hang out, whether it’s only the both of you or in a group”, she says. So, it’s important to insist a little bit and ask them to go out — in these pandemic times, why not invite for a dinner call or to play an online game?
- What not to do:
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Okay, now you know what to do. But there are some responses you should avoid when talking to a friend that deals with depression. After all, it’s a disease, so saying things like “everyone has it”, “that’s simple” or “you just have to get up and do things” is just a form of invalidating their feelings and treating it as if it isn’t a big deal. “It’s not lack of will or laziness”, says the psychologist. “It’s something beyond their control, there are physiological processes in the brain that cause this”. Being comprehensive is always the best alternative.
But she emphasizes that, even as a friend, you should understand that it’s not your responsibility to get the person out of this situation, and you have to respect your own limits. “Sometimes, we feel this pressure that we must do something because they’re your best friend or someone you really cherish. But if you don’t feel comfortable about it, it’s okay. Go as far as you can handle”, says Dr. Sung.
Depression can have different degrees, that may vary from loss of interest in daily things to an attemp of suicide. Even before the situation escalates to this level, it’s crucial for the person to search for treatment. For emergency situations, there is CVV (Centro de Valorização da Vida), a free 24/7 service that answers via 188 calls, chat and emails. For periodic assistance, there is psychotherapy, where even universities offer appointments for an accessible cost. “Your job, as a friend, as a not-therapist, is not to take this responsibility for you and suggest them to look for help”, finishes Catarina.
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The article above was edited by Giulia Gianolla
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