In honour of our satirical theme week, here is my incredibly unfunny and completely unsarcastic article about our campus.
First things first: I love Carleton and condemn any laughter, tom-foolery or heckles thrown at the university. However, there are some things about this campus that can only be described as laughable.
1. The number OF VENDING MACHINES
I love convenience items and being able to buy food and drinks whenever I need them, but I have to say we have an absorbent amount of vending machines…you turn a corner and bam there’s one waiting to stare you down, tempting you to buy a diet Coke or a bag of chips. There are even vending machines with SANDWICHES in them??? How am I supposed to run to my next class when there’s always some new treat awaiting me?
2. Southam Building…that’s it. that’s the tweet.
This building on campus can only be described as gut-wrenchingly funny. Need a class for all your discussion groups? Let’s put them in the farthest building on campus! Are students getting too distracted by watching birds fly by? Remove all the windows! Are people arriving too early to their classes? Let’s do maintenance on the outdoor and tunnel entrances to the building! Southam is the building for creating any problems you did not anticipate having.
3. No Food on Campus After 6:00 pm
Want to know what I find SO funny? The fact that pretty much all the restaurants on campus (excluding Ollies, but who wants to actually go there for the food?) close around 6:00 pm. Because there’s NO WAY any students would be hungry after their 6:00 – 9:00 pm classes, no siree! Need a coffee to help with your drive home? Too bad! Tims closes at 6:00 pm and Starbucks closes right at 9:00 pm. I guess we’ll all go home parched. Hungry for a late dinner? Go home, because the food court closes at 6:00 pm. You could go to the Residence Caf (which closes at 10:00 pm) but you’ll mostly be picking through scraps and get stared down by the first years eating their unlimited soft serve ice cream — and if that experience isn’t hilarious, I don’t know what is.
Do you have something else on campus that tickles your funny bone? Let us know @hccarleton to be featured on our IG!