Never before COVID-19 had I considered trying online dating, but that changed after going through a rough breakup during the initial part of the pandemic in late March.
Although it presented many challenges, some old and some new, there is no doubt it was necessary even if it hurt like hell in the moment. I have always been a firm believer in the fact that people brought into your life and subsequently sometimes taken out of it are part of a larger process of getting to know yourself and building up resilience. Perhaps foolishly I’ve been eager to put my heart out there time and time again because I believe opportunities are worth taking and there’s nothing worse than living with the regret of not taking a chance on something or someone when you could have.
When Patagonia* and I broke up in April, it was months before I decided I could try to dip my toes in the world of online dating because I knew meeting men nowhere but Costco just wasn’t going to happen in a pandemic. As with all break-ups, you learn a lot about yourself and the bullshit you’re no longer willing to put up with.
The reality was that I had chosen to date the “nice guy” for over a year because I thought it was the smartest move. I was semi-attracted to him and cared for him deeply, but the spark was never there even though I had tried to convince myself that he was what I wanted. Our sex life suffered as a result of this lack of spark, which essentially destined us to fail as a couple given we were not physically compatible. Moving on from Patagonia made me realize that whatever men I chose to go on dates with and pursue in the future needed to have that spark.
People tend to paint online dating in a negative light with its ghosting and hook up culture, which is understandable. But I’m here to tell my own experience which has been filled with both terrible and excellent experiences.
The first of these negative experiences was signing up for Bumble and getting to know Original Ghost throughout June, who was one of the first guys I had matched with on the app. We got to know each other through Snapchat (I know, I know) but he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. However, I soon realized our interests didn’t converge almost at all. All the same, I thought he was nice enough and thought why not grab a drink with him at a local patio and see what happens?
Original Ghost had messaged me on a Tuesday asking me if Friday night worked and which patio we should hit up, which I confirmed with him that night. I never heard from him again after that day. The weekend rolled around and I realized he had no intention of actually meeting up with me to go on a distanced date, which was my first taste of being left on delivered shortly after planning a time to meet.
Trying my best to let that experience with Original Ghost go, I decided to turn all my attention to another guy I had been messaging on Bumble, Finance Bro. Immediately, I knew Finance Bro and I would hit it off just based on the tone of our messages which were laden with sarcasm. He was very funny and we clicked instantly — the most I’ve ever clicked with a guy to date. By end of June, we were really hitting it off and I genuinely believed this guy would be someone I could see myself with, which was maybe wishful thinking in the moment, but we had something I couldn’t deny.
He eventually asked me out in early July, which I was thrilled about but also dreading as it was my first time meeting up with someone from an app to go on a first date. To put it plainly, we went on the best first date of my life and I was relieved when Finance Bro told me he wanted to see me again once he got back from a trip a few weeks later.
I waited patiently for him to return but still felt as though I should give one date with another guy a chance, as this other guy, Peterson Lite, had just recently asked me out after a few weeks of texting. We didn’t click and I realized the first date I had had with Finance Bro was not going to be beat, so I decided to fully pursue him and take a break from online dating.
Finance Bro took me on another date when he came back. just as he had promised before he left, and we continued to see each other every weekend for almost six months. I knew going in that whatever we had was most likely a temporary thing based on the fact he intended on moving eventually, but it crushed me nevertheless when he let me know he was leaving the next spring. From July to December, he was the person I knew I wanted to spend time with and sleep with even if I knew we would not realistically end up together, which ended up being extremely difficult on my own emotional well-being. Finance Bro himself, however, was one of the best guys I’ve ever met and we ended on good terms considering how well we got along and continue to get along even if only in a limited capacity.
This most recent letdown hurt but also occurred at a time when I have never been so bored in my entire life. I decided to reopen the apps and see what happened even if it was only to talk to someone other than my five close friends who had as little going on in their lives as I did in mine. This time, with the learned lessons of my time with Finance Bro, I knew I would only give my attention to men who were both physically attractive to me and had the banter I like.
Fairly quickly, I matched with someone who fit that criteria and we had great conversations, ultimately leading to me asking Linebacker if he was interested in a socially distanced hike (the only allowable date in my head during the lockdown). He was interested and we continued to message for a while until I realized he was, as the British would say, “taking me for a ride” and wasn’t interested. He left me on delivered shortly after that and although disappointed, I knew it was for the best if he wasn’t into it.
During the same period of time I was messaging Linebacker, I was also messaging Mutual Friend and Elite Engineer. Mutual Friend was a guy I had never met who was friends with my friends but I originally matched with on a dating app once I realized I knew everyone in his profile photos. Mutual Friend was clear in his wanting to see me shortly after beginning to text, which I figured couldn’t hurt even if we just ended up being friends, but he impressed me on a canal date we went on shortly after. I was immediately struck by his kindness and easy-going demeanour, which is why I am interested in seeing how our relationship develops. He’s someone I enjoy spending time with, but I can’t give all the credit to our initial conversation on the app when our friends were the ones to push each other together and urged us to go on date initially.
Elite Engineer, on the other hand, reminded me very much of Finance Bro with his sense of humour and personality, which was exciting given I almost instantly knew we would get along well. Although I briefly believed he had left me on delivered indefinitely, he messaged me recently with a renewed sense of interest that is exciting to think about moving forward.
Online dating in the pandemic has been a whirlwind of time wasted on Snapchat and guys with serious issues that I don’t have the time to even begin to address, but above all else, something I don’t regret. Every wrong turn has led me to the position I am in now and each good experience has given me clarity as to what I am really looking for in a potential partner.
There are endless amounts of guys in every city on the apps that have no intention of actually getting to know you, but there are a few genuine ones I have met that have made the entire experience worthwhile. I don’t fear being single in the pandemic but also have no intention of letting a potential connection pass me by while the pandemic puts the rest of my life on hold.
*All the men in this story have been given fitting nicknames