Being on campus can be nerve-wracking. We have all been in a class, club, or room where we don’t know anyone. For people who aren’t naturally extroverted and don’t already know people in school, making friends can be extremely daunting. As the new school year starts, whether you are a returning student or a first-year student, there are many opportunities to meet new friends. Most students at Carleton University are super nice and open to having a conversation.
As I’m now in my fourth year, I feel like I have the credentials to provide some sense of understanding on how to make friends and meet new people. For context, I personally understand what it’s like being extremely shy to a detriment, both as an introvert and a hugely anxious person. Although it’s only been a few years since high school, as I have grown older, the things I’ve learned and experienced have changed my worldview. Like many, having gone through the highs and lows of university, I can confidently say I’ve mastered the art of making friends and meeting new people.
One of the biggest things that worked for me was going to classes, events, and clubs with the intention of being open. While that may seem extremely vague, I mean it in the sense that you should be prepared to speak to the person next to you, have small talk and have a form of communication planned. The simplest option is social media. It is used by nearly everyone and is easily obtainable. My personal tip is to always get people’s Instagram usernames. Casually ask them at the end of the conversation and reach out later, saying it was nice to meet them. A big part of making friends is putting yourself out there. If you’re scared, know that everyone else is too. If you’re conscious of what other people think, I’ll tell you right now, no one is batting an eye because they are conscious of themselves, too. Be prepared to act or say something embarrassing because it will happen. It’s happened to me many times, but you get through it.
Going to events to meet people is the best way to introduce yourself. No one there knows who you are, and if you’re shy, no matter what you do or say, people won’t hold it against you. As long as you act kindly and ask the appropriate questions to create conversation, you’ll be OK.
Most of the friends I’ve made are in my program and we primarily became close because we are in the same classes. I’d recommend prioritizing making friends in your program, as they will be able to relate to you academically, professionally, and personally. In classes, if you get grouped up with people, take that as an opportunity to become friends, and if you’re given a chance to, hang out with them socially. Don’t be afraid to create opportunities to hang out with people and put effort into a friendship.
The scariest thing that I think everyone struggles with is intimidation, some more than others. I believe that there is a lot of power in taking initiative. Even if nothing comes from you trying, at least you can say that you did. A way to get to know people better is by asking classmates, those living in campus residence, and people in clubs to make a group chat. I remember making a group chat after asking people if they wanted to be a part of it. Despite being shy, I forced myself to do this one thing, and as expected, I actually made friends from it. If you put in the effort, it will work.
My best piece of advice is to be open to meeting people from all walks of life, no matter how different you may seem from each another. You never know: they could be your best friend down the line. University is the perfect time in your life to find your people. Don’t limit yourself only to people you usually get along with. University is an opportunity to get to know everyone.
The last thing, which is one of the most important takeaways, is you need to have confidence in yourself. If you aren’t comfortable being alone (not lonely), that’s the first thing you should learn to develop. If you are afraid of how others perceive you, then you are only trying to make friends to avoid being alone. But you should be making friends because you want to form connections. The difference is huge, as it can change the way you act and speak to other people. Making friends comes easily when you’re secure, confident and willing. All it takes is some self-love, smiles and effort.
Tips that worked for me:
- Fake it until you make it. People don’t know anything about you. If you’re shy, pretend you’re not.
- Smile. People will feel more comfortable around someone who’s easygoing and kind.
- Laugh. Humour can move mountains.
- Be open and approachable physically. (Try not to look unengaged).
- You WILL say something embarrassing, so prepare for it.
- Awkwardness is impossible to avoid. Friendships don’t form overnight.
- If you’re shy in real life, use social media to reach out.