The biggest misconception about toxic relationships is that they are exclusive to romance. In reality, they can exist in any domain of life — even between the best of friends.
Friendships, especially those within your inner circle, can be an all-in-one support group, cheerleading squad, and family. However, it’s heartbreaking when you realize a close friend is becoming a bad influence in your life, and this can take a toll on your mental health. After all the love and energy you pour into a friendship, having to walk away from a shared history is the hardest decision. Cutting off contact, especially when you have mutual friends, is mentally taxing if you’re trying to avoid drama. However, putting yourself first can be life-changing.
Since it’s the start of a new school year, it’s the perfect time to get rid of the toxic baggage dragging you down and give yourself the chance to move forward in life to bigger things and better people.
Here are a few red flags of a toxic friendship:
- The Bad Influence
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The friend who puts you in morally uncomfortable situations, who distracts you from your responsibilities, or who decides what you should or should not do. It’s clear who’s steering the friendship while you take the submissive backseat. In order to stand up to a strong personality, draw power from the word “No”. Don’t make yourself exclusively available to one person; block them out with an arsenal of good friends.
- The Critic
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Whether it be criticizing your physical appearance (“Have you considered losing weight?”), throwing shade on your interests (“I didn’t think you were the type to watch that show”), or making you feel under FBI-like inspection in their presence, this “friend’s” put-downs are terrible for your self-esteem. Instead of building you up, they break you down in the guise of “helpful criticism.” Cutting this person out of your life through direct confrontation is like getting rid of a thorn at your side; instant relief.
- The Rebounder
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When you value someone more than they value you, being ignored in a group or when feeling second-best compared to other friends makes you question your self-worth. Instead of doubting yourself, ask them if they consider you to be their best friend like you do. If the answer is no, distance yourself. You deserve a friendship where you receive as much loyalty and love as you give. If it’s yes, let them know how you feel and if they invalidate your feelings and shrug off the obvious, walk away and never look back.
- The Parasite
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Whether it be asking for endless favours (there is a limit to generosity) and self-inviting themselves into every aspect of your life, this friend prevents you from having other companions and invades your privacy. Even in the most intimate, long term friendships, there are boundaries you cannot cross. Remind yourself that you are not a lone island with one inhabitant; expand your social circle with acquaintances and protect your personal territory.
- The Deadweight
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The deadweight holds you back from achieving greatness. Whether it be applying for a dream college that is a continent away from them or landing an internship with working hours that conflict with time spent together, a deadweight does not support you pursuing such life-changing opportunities. Instead, they guilt-trip you into thinking that you’re neglecting or sacrificing your long-term friendship.
This may stem from jealousy or a fear of losing you, but regardless, you deserve a support system that celebrates your life achievements and does not play victim to your success. If you truly believe an opportunity can be a game-changer for you despite the distance or work involved, go for it. Do not let other people dictate your life.
Social distancing during this pandemic can create volatile misunderstandings and bitter fallouts over texts. However, a 2020 lesson is that life is too short to surround yourself with negativity, so seek out the positive people and detox from all of the above.