I turned 20 on January 28th, and 15-year-old me would be over the moon to hear that we were finally in our 20s… But when I tell you that 19-year-old me was dreading the day. I knew eventually my teens would come to a close and I would be considered an “adult,” but did I think it would have arrived as fast as it did, absolutely not.
I can’t say I’ve ever been afraid of growing up, I’ve actually always found the idea exciting. I’m not saying it wasn’t an exciting experience, and I’m not saying that 20 feels so far from my youth. If I’m living according to all the songs, movies and books I’ve consumed in the past I’m technically in the “primetime” of youth. So why was I so scared of the day I removed the “teen” out of my age?
I think the older you get the more real it gets in simple terms. Everything just became a little bit too real for me – I’m sorry I’m not 17 years old anymore? I finally felt comfortable in my teens and then 20 hits (cue 20 something by SZA,) which entails a whole new criteria and group of experiences. It almost felt like I had to adapt to a new version of myself which is partially true but 20 doesn’t mean I’m completely separate from my 19-year-old self or 17-year-old self. I believe we hold the best and sometimes the most challenging parts of ourselves from each year as we grow, and I think that’s beautiful.
I don’t think you should hide from change. It would be a loss to miss out on all the good, all the new memories, and all the people that matter. And as cliche as it sounds, as the clock hit midnight (even though I was technically born at 8:30 a.m.) I said to myself you’re going to embrace this 20 thing.
Am I an adult… I’m not so sure. I can’t even begin to tell you or myself how much growing and learning I have in front of me and I don’t think I ever want that to stop. You shouldn’t either, don’t close yourself off because you feel comfortable in a certain “era” or period of your life. Change is inevitable and I think we as humans have such a difficult time accepting that – we reminisce on people from our past, places, songs, and smells. It’s good to enjoy pleasant memories but don’t actively live in them, keep making them.
So in honour of turning 20, I’m gonna share three pieces of advice I’ve learned in the last two decades; advice about growing up and how to enjoy it versus avoiding it.
- Be Present
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I know you’ve heard it before but live in the moment. People preach this so loudly and constantly because it’s a genuine piece of advice. Everyone around me says to enjoy youth because time flies, you blink an eye and you’re in a completely different chapter of life, or a different book entirely.
As soon as I realized I was halfway through my second year of university I had to pause. It feels like I was just applying to universities let alone being halfway through my degree. And as stressful as school can be looking back I am so happy I chose to be present in specific situations. Set your future up but don’t live in it. It’s a difficult thing to do, one I still find myself battling, but I don’t want to miss out on the now – it’s a battle worth fighting.
Take a minute and pause when necessary. Enjoy where you currently are because this time will eventually pass. Take in as much as you can, find the good in the bad, but most of all be here right now.
- Your friendships are the most important love stories
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I have to say one thing I’m eternally grateful for in this 20th year is the group of friends I have around me. I know that sometimes we just want a counterpart, a relationship – we crave romance. I think that’s perfectly valid and normal to feel that but I think finding your people before anything else is the best thing you can do as you grow.
Put your friends first because these are the people who are going to take care of you, who support you, who push you to be your best self. I could not imagine my life without my closest friends. I also wouldn’t be who I am today without them.
I can’t stress it enough, really develop a good circle of friends. Just like you would in a romantic relationship what are deal breakers in friendships, what should a good friend offer to your life– but also how can you be a good friend? A plant needs sun and water to grow. Find friends who water you when you wilt, who provide light when it’s dark, and who promote your growth.
- PRIORITIZE AND UNDERSTAND YOURSELF
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At the end of the day, it’s you and yourself. Learn who you are and be comfortable with who you are. That’s not a linear or simple process, but it is a necessary one. You’re responsible for yourself and that means putting yourself first. Discover the things you enjoy, do those things, and work towards those things.
I think as we grow we look back and look down on how we executed things in the past, don’t be ashamed but recognize that you’ve grown, that’s something to celebrate. It’s unavoidable to not make mistakes, without mistakes we don’t learn. I rather learn from my mistakes than never learn but live a “perfect” life. Although it’s difficult, don’t beat yourself up because you are ALWAYS growing.
Like I said earlier I thought I had come to a place where I knew myself and what I wanted almost perfectly at 19. I had definitely come to accept or understand things I didn’t when I was 17, but there was and is so much more to learn about myself. I look at myself a year ago when I thought I had reached a really mature place and I look at myself now and see that there was so much more left to do. Growing up, knowing yourself, and living your life is an ongoing process don’t rush it, don’t postpone it, but seriously enjoy it and celebrate it!!!