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Dating in the New Year


“This year everything is going to change.  I am going to be the best person that I can be in every possible way.” — miscellaneous people around the world on Dec. 31 and throughout the month of January. 

This is the time of year when gym attendance experiences a sharp spike, health food stores encounter more customers and additional courses such as cooking classes and language courses exceed capacity. Resolutions often include a fitness goal, an academic goal or a personal/social goal.  Fitness motivation can fade quickly without the proper conviction behind it, and academics can lag behind when life decides to throw lemons at you and opportunities present themselves.  Social goals are, by process of elimination, potentially the most attainable goals created each year.  However, instead of deciding to speak up more in class, make a new friend or join a club, many girls decide that what will make their lives better is a boyfriend. 

*NB: Now, I have nothing against boys, men or the general concept of dating; this article is not about date bashing — it’s about why putting ‘find a boyfriend’ on your To Do list is not necessarily the best idea.* 

Dating is about finding someone with whom you can connect romantically.  However, my question is: How can you be part of a couple when you’re still not sure who you are and what you want? Take a second to think about who you are — not your race, religion, family or gender (although those are contributing and formative factors) think about you.  Where do you want to go?  What do you want from life?  Do you stand for anything? Would you like to?  Do you have a passion? Do you share it with others?  There are so many facets to your character and personality and university is the place where you have the opportunity to discover those hidden pieces of you. 

This is your chance to travel, to learn, make mistakes, experience joy and heartbreak (which can be induced by other circumstances other than a romantic relationship).  Protest, speak out, stay back and observe or learn about your body — push it to its limits (but be safe).  None of this requires romance.  Friends and family can be worth their weight in gold when they help you reach your goals or simply encourage you on your way to fulfilling your heart’s desire.  A new person in your life is not going to fix your problems; you cannot rely upon them to be your saviour.

Waiting is okay.  Actually, it’s more than okay — it’s great.  Maybe the right guy hasn’t come along yet and that’s perfectly fine.  Do not settle for someone whose feelings you can’t reciprocate or who will not treat you properly.  How will you know when you’ve found the right guy to be your boyfriend you may ask? You will know yourself, you won’t be perfect but you’ll be solidified in who you are and what you want out of life.  The man to join you on your adventure should add to your life but not be a condition of your happiness.  

I am a third year student double majoring in humanities and English. I love to drink tea, talk to people, and write.
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