Love is a beautiful thing but, sometimes people just don’t have that spark. The “zing” if you will. Which makes for some interesting stories to say the least. If you think you have it bad, just wait till you read some of these.
Residence Problems
“During a post-breakup phase of about a week, I made out with exactly two guys in two totally different situations and both ended very awkwardly. Turns out they were roommates in a double room. I avoided that building for the rest of the year LOL”
~Class of 2023
Just another reason why double-room dorms need to DIE.
Cruisin’ for a Surgery?
“I was invited over to this boys house (I just met him on a cruise a week before) and I thought he was cute and nice so why not. I get there and first red flag, he asks what I want to watch on Netflix, I was under the impression that we were going somewhere or getting takeout, not Netflix and Chill?. I am addicted to Greys Anatomy so he puts that on and the vibe is weird like we’re sitting at an awkward distance from each other on the couch, not talking until he says the stupidest thing I’ve genuinely ever heard: “I can’t believe some people choose to have surgeries and die just so they can be on greys”. I was like WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY and asked if he was serious and he was. I informed him that the people on greys are actors and the surgeries aren’t real!!!!! And he was trying to tell me that I was wrong. I was so dumbfounded by the conversation that I went to the bathroom and made an excuse that my mom called me and wanted me home and I left. Haven’t talked to cute cruise boy since. I hope he doesn’t try to cut a leg off to get on greys.”
~Class of 2022
If you meet someone on a cruise, leave them ON the cruise.
Tourist Attraction
“While living in Australia, I spent a lot of time in the Botanical Gardens. Anyone who has been there knows it’s a beautiful place and you can get lost in the amount of time you’ve spent there. It’s a place that is filled with city workers on lunch breaks, fitness enthusiasts, and tourists. Lots of tourists… One day I was walking to my usual study place and there were lots of people taking in the sights and lots of runners which is nothing out of the ordinary. But, while I was walking, I could hear someone running behind me and I look to right and there is a big burly looking man running after me! Like no joke out of breath running at me. He catches up to me and he says “you walked by me and I just had to tell you that you have the sexiest walk I’ve ever seen.” My jaw hit the floor and my face turned bright red. He continued to try and ask me out for 20 minutes until I said I wasn’t dating right now.”
~Class of 2018
He’s really trying to bring sexy back.
Navy Boys?
“The last two guys I’ve dated were both named Noah and they BOTH left me to join the Navy…I gotta get better taste.”
~Class of 2024
I- that’s not how the Nicholas Sparks movie was supposed to end.
Friend Date
A guy in a few of my classes asked me out to a movie. I kind of knew it was a date but said yes before I could think about how to turn him down. I tried to convince myself that we were just hanging out, because we were friends at the time. But I knew what I had gotten myself into when he tried to pay for my ticket, drive me there, and take me out for dinner after! Suffice to say it was a very awkward date, because I absolutely did not like him that way. I could see he was really nervous the whole time, and let’s just say it was the most drawn out and anxious 2.5 hours of my life. It was a great movie, but when I heard the soundtrack playing at the Oscars it did induce a little nausea.
~Class of 2023
These ones are the worst… but it’s over now so that’s good, right?
Ultra-too soon
“I went on a coffee date with a guy I met from tinder, pretty typical first date, and ya know everything was pretty chill and normal till he PULLS OUT his sister’s ultrasound and asks me what they should name his niece and asked me if I wanted to meet her. I was like ??? and ghosted him right after.”
~Class of 2023
He was really looking for an aunt, not a girlfriend.
Smoke on the Hill
“I went on a date with this guy the second week of school in first year, who was in a frat (first mistake). We met at a bar, which I had to sneak in because I was still 18 at the time. The date was going well until we ran into his frat brothers at THREE separate locations, while we went on a walk after we left the bar. The kicker of the date was when we were watching a light show on Parliament Hill, he asked me if I was okay if he smoked. I said it was ok, assuming he’d pull out a joint or cigarette. But this man pulled out a CIGAR and proceeded to spend the rest of the date explaining how cigars are the healthiest thing you can smoke and how his dad is a surgeon and recommends smoking them opposed to anything else. Now anytime I smoke or am around someone who does, I think about him and how wild it was.”
~Class of 2022
The weirdest things happen at the Parliament light show — change my mind.
Crest Toothpaste
“We went to a coffee shop and he ordered a water with his coffee. Seems normal right? No. He took a sip of water after every sip of coffee because he didn’t want to stain his teeth. Sir it’s one cup. And you brush right?? Pls say right…”
~Class of 2021 Winter
Some people like their coffee black and some people are working too hard, just get a frap sir.
Mr. Masseuse
“I met this man on Hinge and we hit it off pretty well – he ended up inviting me over, and when we got back to his place, I walked into the messiest house possible (like I truly think this man was a hoarder). After going into his room (which was surprisingly clean), he ended up pulling out this full-on massage table and asks me if I want a massage. After politely declining, we sat and watched a movie for a bit. After about 10 minutes he looks at me and starts asking me if I’m cold. I keep telling him that no, I’m not cold considering it’s the middle of a heat wave in July, but he won’t back off. He then ends up asking me if I would like to wear his socks, and even worse, asks if I would like a foot rub. Once again, after politely declining, he continued to insist that I must wear his socks. At this point I got fed up with him, yelled at him that I did not want to wear his disgusting, crusty socks, and ordered an Uber home.”
~Class of 2022
Please, do NOT pull out your massage table on the first date.
Tweet, Tweet
“The guy showed me his tweets on our first (and only date). I didn’t share the same sense of humour, so I didn’t find them funny. Later, by text he asked me out again and I said I wasn’t interested. He asked why, and I replied that we didn’t share the same sense of humour (which is important to me) and he asked what kind of humour I did like. I never replied. A few days later, I looked at his Twitter out of curiosity and he TWEETED ABOUT ME.”
~Class of 2024
Is tweeting ever THAT serious, c’mon.
Snow White
“I went to his house and he gave me an apple for dinner because I was vegetarian and he “didn’t know what I ate”.”
~Class of 2024
Plot twist: He is the bad apple.
Server Serving
“After Pre-ing separately, we went to a Bar to play pool and drink beer. When we sit down, across the bar is a guy that I went out with on one date and had to tell him I have a boyfriend to get him to leave me alone and stop asking me out…. he was a server there. He decided to come to our table and serve us… next thing I know we both finished off a pitcher of beer each (I am a light weight) I go to the bathroom to “pee”…I don’t know how long I was in there, and when I come back out the guy has gone MIA! Didn’t even come to check in on me. The server guy laughs at me and said he left saying I was psycho…. I barely made it into an Uber and puked out the window. Then woke up to the nastiest text message about how awful I was for walking out on the date… cause server buddy apparently told him I left ?. Ahah I filled him in on what was actually happening and we both laughed after… but f*** that server.”
~Class of 2020
Trauma… that is traumatizing.
A Night to Remember
“This guy broke up with his girlfriend because she was cheating on him (they were together for a long time before that) and we met on tinder like a week after we went on a date. He chose the restaurant (a grill) and he seemed super nervous, so I didn’t say anything but … I’m vegetarian? When we left his ex-girlfriend was kissing his best friend outside. That was an interesting night.”
~Class of 2021
That was the start of a Netflix Original Film which later turns into a musical.
Morals of these stories: Ask if they’re vegetarian before planning the date, first dates at the movies are just not it, if you have history with a server — ABORT MISSION, if it’s considered “odd” please do NOT pull out whatever object on the first date and last but not least find out who their roommates are before anything else.
Thanks to everyone who shared their traumatic stories — I hope it was therapeutic in the best way possible. The next Confessional is for the tunnel rats. Click here to share your Worst/Embarrassing Tunnel Moments.
Xoxo,
-CC