Un-brushed, straggly hair scooped up into a topknot, droopy blood-shot eyes and one mighty over-burnt student, surrounded by a sea of empty sugar-encrusted Haribo Tangfastic wrappers & crumpled cans of Lucozade. Sound familiar? Oh hello essay season, you ol’ friend!
It’s that time of year again when the friendship between yourself & the lumpy library chairs gets refreshed, revitalised and reacquainted. The library friendship is not ignited so much out of choice, but rather the sheer fact that you’ll fail the entire semester if you don’t find yourself up close, personal and on a first name basis with the library night guards.
No longer is the library a place of calm, peace & serenity to knuckle down and power through some work, it’s a cocoon of loud & brazen noise, aromatic odours & crackling crisp packets. Here’s a run down of some of the most infuriating and distracting actions of your fellow students.
Talking like you’re on the dance floor of a nightclub
Don’t think that answering the phone a few feet away from the computers counts as being courteous. I really don’t care if (a). Mark was so smashed last night, he urinated in your kitchen sink, or that (b) Katie has been slagging you off all week and has been nicking your orange juice. All my heart desires is to crack out this essay as fast as I can & scamper off home to stuff my face with nachos and watch Love Actually. Remember, you are not a spy. Your loud whispers behind the bookshelf can still be heard.
Boombox music
Hats off to those who manage to work their headphones correctly and keep the listening of the latest Conor Manyard album private. (I can’t, however reign in my judgment of your chosen music tastes). There’s nothing worse than typing your way through a conclusion, only to find yourself tapping out the rap lyrics of Eminem. Turn the bass down low!
Settling in & making yourself at home
Please don’t kick back, relax and take your shoes off. Even if you keep your mouth shut and head down working, I can assure you that your sweaty shoes will make up for it and do all the talking. Think about the poor, unfortunate soul who has to sit opposite you and deal with the consequences of your decision to whack on yesterday’s socks and skip the morning shower. Keep the ol’ hooves capped!
Limit the crunchy munchies
I’m all for tucking into some cheeky treats whilst working! Too many times I have found myself nose deep in pick n’ mix, but pick your chosen nosh wisely. If you’re one of those people who thinks opening a packet of crisps gradually over 5 long minutes, proceeding to crunch them like no tomorrow, or that taking slothful bites of your crisp, golden delicious makes you subtle, then it’s people like you who I refrain from throwing chairs at. I may well be jealous that you’re devouring a mountain of tangy cheese Doritos whilst I nibble away at a pile of grapes, but at least I won’t be the one receiving the stink eye.
Grub with a stench is a no-go
We’ve all been there, arduously slaving away at an essay only to be rudely interrupted by the pungent smell of a tuna mayonnaise baguette jamming its stench round your nostrils. Try to pick inconspicuous food that won’t stink out the study areas as, let’s face it, no one wants to smell the lamb shish kebab that you thought was a marvellous idea as you stumbled home last night. I guarantee, it doesn’t smell as lovely and certainly won’t taste quite so heavenly today without your squiffy goggles in place.
Don’t PDA
Becoming aware of the slurping of an overly passionate embrace is never a good thing, but discovering it in the middle of the quiet area of the library? Just don’t. Keep it for the comforts of your bedroom, as no one wants a stage show of pawing hands and breathless giggles as they’re dissecting the philosophical theories of Hume.
Keeping to the unspoken library etiquette is a pretty mighty feat in itself and oh-so-easy to break. If all else fails however and you find yourself amongst a crowd of distractions and people failing to mirror your model student behaviour then just give them the dirty until they realise the error of their ways. After all, library friendships are only fleeting!