If you didn’t know me and saw me out in public, I would smile, but more than likely I wouldn’t say hi or try to initiate any kind of conversation with you. It’s not because I’m stuck-up; I’m just shy.
My anxiety makes me feel that any time I say hi to someone new or try to have a conversation, that I’m being a nuisance. For this reason, I keep to myself the majority of the time. It’s not that I don’t want new friends, I do, my mind just continuously tells me that people don’t want to be my friend, and for whatever reason I always believe it. I’m working on overcoming that.
People often see me not talking in public settings. I will laugh at jokes and listen to the stories being told. When it comes to contributing to the conversation, I more often than not say little or nothing at all. I love listening to people talk and hearing their stories. People that don’t know me wouldn’t know that. I know this gives people the wrong first impression of me, that makes me feel like a bad person.
Let me just say that I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I know that when people see me not talking amongst a group of people, their first thought is something along the lines of “well doesn’t someone think their too good to talk to everyone else.” That couldn’t be the farthest thing from the truth. For people that know me, they know that if anything, I think that everyone is better me.
I would like to consider myself a nice and friendly person. I feel that I’m a good friend to the friends that I do have; I’m always there to listen and to give advice when needed. I will do anything for any one of my friends. But I’m bad at initiating conversations to start new friendships. I will be friends with anyone, if they initiate the conversation. Once a conversation gets going, I’m able to say more.
I’m more talkative in smaller groups or once I become comfortable with someone. I love deep conversations and getting to know people on a different level than what they share with most people. When I do have to make small talk with someone, I don't say as much, because it’s forced. I live for conversations where I don’t have to look at my phone every five minutes to make up for the awkward silence.
I'm a friendly person once you get to know me.