Since December 31, 2016, I have been disconnected from social media. It was a spur of the moment decision I made lying on my couch, my puppy in my lap, and me constantly checking my Snapchat story every few minutes. I stopped myself from opening the app again and asked myself why I kept doing this. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was sitting on the couch on my phone, looking at the same pictures, tweets, and stories over and over. It was my winter break, and I was spending it on my phone. I decided that that needed to change.
It seems now these days, everyone is attached to their phones. Texting, Snapchatting, or taking that perfect selfie for Instagram. When I look around campus I see people walking with friends, but their phones are firmly held in their hands and their attention is on the screen. I know that I am just as guilty, but that made me take pause. I recall all those times I would be hanging out at a friend’s, having a sleepover or a movie night, and they were constantly checking their phones, or stopped midsentence during a conversation when it would ding with a message. I was suddenly becoming second choice to text messages or a like on Instagram. I felt disconnected from my friends and unimportant.
I sat on my couch that December day and wasted no time deleting all my social media apps (except for Facebook for family reasons). And when all that was left was Pinterest, I turned my phone off and took my dog for a walk, taking a deep and refreshing breath.
For a long time, I regretted getting any form of social media, besides Facebook. I was always looking to see who liked my photo and how many likes I could get, how many favorites I had on a tweet, or the points and snap streaks I could rack up. It was a popularity contest through the internet. I became obsessed with how cute I looked in a selfie and how many of my followers I could get to like it. I would get jealous if one of my friends posted a picture with another person and had a cute captions, because why couldn’t that be me? It hurt to see my friends do things without me and I would have to see it, and instead of looking away I kept coming back to it. It was a whirl wind of emotions of wanting to be popular, to jealousy, and sometimes happiness.
I felt a surge of power from breaking free from my phone. I can’t say that I was perfect for two whole months. The first few weeks I would log back into my snapchat to see if anyone had sent me a chat, but wouldn’t open it or any of my stories. I would log into Instagram and see if anyone had liked my last posted picture, or if my friends missed me enough to post a picture of me and them. Each time I did this though, I realized that I was looking for my friends’ approval or for their thoughts through the internet. It was that thought that made me stick to my resolution. If my friends wanted to tell me something they could text or call or I could do the same.
I have never felt so much relief and happier since I deleted the apps. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted of my chest. I don’t check my phone every morning. I don’t spend hours scrolling through pictures and videos. I careless about what the internet thinks about me and my selfies. I am not competing to see if I can get more than 50 likes on Instagram or if I can get a thousand followers. I don’t feel disappointed or sad when I don’t get that much attention based on my photo, or that many people hadn’t seen my snapchat story. All these feelings I would get from the lack of reaction or from what I saw posted had disappeared. I feel more connect with myself and the life around me. I use my phone less and enjoy what is around me. Instead of wanting to take a picture to post, I can enjoy the memory and experience for myself. I don’t have to tweet about something funny I heard.
I am happy. Genuinely and gratefully happy.
I have not specifically decided when I will download the apps again. But, for now I am content without them.
I encourage everyone to try, I promise you it will be hard but liberating.