Have you ever had the thought about life with a disability is hard? If so, you have probably also thought about the combination of having disabilities and relationships as being even harder. So what do people with disabilities, like myself, do? Be patient until the right person comes, a person that doesn’t have the mentality that a person with a disability has a different life than theirs. But one thing to remember: don’t be afraid to have a relationship.
The best way to finding your life partner is by just believing the right one is out there for you. I’ve constantly thought, “Who is going to want to be with someone with a disability, much less with someone in a wheelchair?” But yet I wanted to feel loved, I wanted to feel that I was worth it to someone. I wanted to feel “normal,” whatever normal is. So since no one would have the nerve to talk to me, I took things into my own hands. But they were not the best of my decisions.
Feeling desperate can lead you to making some pretty dumb decisions. The subject of boys was constantly on my mind when I was 15. I had my parent’s permission to start dating. I had my crushes but they would see right past me, so I got fed up with it. I went online and started talking to a family friend that was twice my age. I felt no attraction towards him, but his words of affection did make me feel worth something. Two years went by before I realized that if I had no feelings for someone, much less this person, then I shouldn’t need to be there.
After learning from that experience, I met someone else. It was nice but he wasn’t comfortable around me. We were together for about nine months and never did he once hold my hand, nor did he present me to anyone. I did feel uncomfortable due to the fact that I felt like I was a freak and like if something was wrong with me. But I stayed in this relationship because I felt he was probably the only one that would ever want to be with me. After being together for nine months, I found out he cheated on me and the other girl had got pregnant.
After a year of being scared of the possibility of being cheated on and getting hurt again, I met someone, online. He asked me to be his girlfriend soon after. He made me feel very much loved, and I had strong feelings for him. He wasn’t afraid to hug me, and hold my hand. Soon after things took a turn for the worst. All the love and happiness became abuse and sadness. He had me feeling like I was the most beautiful girl on earth to suddenly becoming the ugliest. He clearly let me know that no man would want to be with a girl on a wheelchair. I let this happen for nearly two months. I was scared to leave him. I thought maybe he was right; no man would want to be with me. When I chose to leave him, I decided it was time to focus on myself and in school. We broke up and I took an initiative to not date until I was happy with myself.
Well, that didn’t happen. A couple of weeks after February 28, I was approached by a young man. The first thing I let him know was that I’m not trying to date. As weeks passed he became my best friend, and out of the nowhere, the love of my life. And let me tell you, ME, MARILU WITH A DISABILITY, IS HAPPILY IN LOVE, with an amazing young man. Love is to feel respected, Love is to be happy, Love is to support each other, Love is such a beautiful thing. I now feel like a queen, not just physically loved but I’m loved mentally as well. I have never felt comfortable telling my past boyfriends that I needed to be fed, I needed help showering, needed to be carried to the restroom, and had to be turned at night. But now I am comfortable to share all that with my boyfriend, and really anything else. There is nothing better than to ask for a man that can give you daily support in your future. Those positive moments like telling him, “no, I can’t” and have him turn around and say “yes, you can” and make it happen for you, are the greatest. And to even think that I had given up on relationships.
​Don’t ever let any experiences or your own self make you feel like you are not good enough. If you are patient, the right one will come to you like he came to me. I’m not saying you will go through everything I did, but I’m saying you also can have a disability and find your other half. Now that you know that disabilities and relationships are compatible, you’re ready to find the right one without worrying if it is possible.