Every single day, without fail, I wake up and try on four to five different outfits. And I never end up wearing any of them. Why? Because I’m constantly asking myself: “What are other girls going to be wearing to class?” “Am I too dressed up?” “Am I not dressed up enough?” Every day I wonder what other girls in my classes are going to think about me, or what judgments the guys on campus will make about my appearance. The constraints that other people have on me are never-ending. But the truth is, at the end of the day, who really cares?
Nobody is going to be thinking about what I’m wearing, or how much or how little makeup I have on. If I’ve curled my hair well enough, or if it looks better straight. No one really wastes their time thinking about what other people are doing— do they? I surely don’t. Unless I see a really cute top or a fun pair of sneakers, I can’t even remember half the things I see in a day.
So why is there so much pressure to fit in, especially on a college campus?
To be so honest with you, I haven’t quite figured it out yet. Being able to overcome other people’s opinions of yourself is an incredibly difficult thing to do – maybe I sound shallow, but I care! Down to my core, I care about what other people think about me. My friends, my classmates, my boyfriend’s friends, my sorority sisters, my teachers, and even random people I barely have a conversation with. The list is never-ending.
I sometimes feel like I have to be a different version of myself depending on who I’m around. It’s exhausting trying to put on so many masks during the day. Whether that be my teachers, my classmates, my back-home friends, my family, or my roommates. Every group of people have different opinions on so many things. Okay, confession time. I have truly never felt like I fit the box of my English major. I feel so left out in classes and I very easily begin to feel like the dumbest person in the room. It’s not that the people are mean or the content isn’t my style (because it is), I just get so in my head about what everyone could be making up in their heads about me. It almost made me change my major. But I realized that I love reading and writing, so I needed to learn to get over my fears. I had to stop trying to fit into a box that wasn’t me.
People just want to be accepted and loved for who they are. I think throughout every aspect of life, by nature, we just search for acceptance and validation. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the constant need for acceptance can be demeaning and hard to find. It’s important to realize that you’re not alone in longing for these feelings. It’s okay to sit alone or not make super close friends in college. Everyone is on their own journey. Everyone is doing something different. This shouldn’t discourage OR define you, though. It’s so easy to get lost and lose sight of yourself and everything you’ve worked for in searching for validation from other people.
I think a big part of this struggle is highlighted by social media and the way people are presenting themselves. There’s a constant need to have the next best thing or buy from the newest trendy brand. So many different things are constantly coming in and out of trend, and as a college-aged girl, it’s very easy to feel the need to follow those trends and do what everybody else seems to be doing. Writing this made me realize that a week ago, I felt left out because I hadn’t gotten chrome nails yet. Even the small things take up space in my brain.
You don’t want to seem too different, but you also don’t want to be just like everybody else. There is a need for individuality, but individuality is frequently met with judgment and criticism. I feel like as a woman, you can never be “perfect.” It’s always too much of one thing or not enough of another. Time to queue America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling shy or like I’m just not in the mood to be myself, I literally put on a persona and pretend to be someone else. I live my life like an influencer would. I do fun things, I talk to people I wouldn’t talk to, and I participate in class discussions. Whatever it is that I wouldn’t normally do, I do, because I’m not “me.” It has actually proven itself quite well for me, and I’ve found that there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of extra confidence. It’s expanded my world in so many ways and allowed me to feel free of the constraints that other people have put in my head. I’ve made friends this way, joined clubs, talked to strangers… there’s truly no limit here!
Being yourself is a hard thing to do. It’s something that I have struggled with throughout different stages of my life. I have concluded that there is no such thing as “fitting in,” it’s pretty much impossible. And you know what? That’s okay! Life is short and sweet, and we literally live on a floating rock. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just being who you are. Wear what you want. Do your hair how you want. Act however you want. Care less, worry less. Differences are what makes everyone unique. People aren’t meant to fit into narrow, tiny boxes. Don’t try to force yourself into a place that you shouldn’t be in.