I dread the inevitable conversation about my family whenever I introduce myself to new people. When asked, “What do your parents do for a living?” I must figure out the best way to explain that one isn’t alive. I used to refer to the topic as “the mom bomb” because it felt like such a huge piece of my story that changed the way people viewed me. I never wanted to be looked at with pity or have people feel bad for me. When my mother passed I was twelve and the majority of the people I interacted with through high school were aware of my situation, I didn’t have to share my experience that often.
However, when I moved 500 miles from home to a town where I didn’t know anyone, I found myself talking about my mom more than ever. Grief can be uncomfortable to talk about and it always shifts the mood of a conversation, but it’s something I can’t avoid. Every day there are reminders that I’m missing out on having the built-in best friend that all my friends have. I knew that to build strong relationships I had to be open with my new friends about what it was like to lose my mom. I remember moving into my dorm and meeting all the girls I’d be living with for the next year, and telling them right off the bat that I was scared to be away from home, and those were the people that helped me on days I missed my mom a little extra.Â
The good thing about grief is that if anyone’s ever loved and lost something or someone important to them, they’ve experienced the same thing as me. I was surprised by how many people around me have been in a similar situation, and I’ve been able to connect on a deeper level with a lot of girls because of our losses. Being forced to talk about my loss when telling people about my life has led to deeper connections and conversations that serve as a strong foundation for my interpersonal relationships. I’ve gotten pretty lucky in the friendship lottery and every single one of my close friends I’ve met since being in college has taken the time to listen to my story and show up for me when I need them. On the days when my grief is too heavy to carry alone, I know that not only will the people around me show up to support me, but they know about this weight that I have to carry with me for the rest of my life.
Being far from the rest of my family can be difficult at times but finding a home away from home has made the hard moments a little bit easier, and I’m so grateful for the people by my side. So for any other girls in a similar situation, my advice is this, lean into the people around you and don’t be afraid of your vulnerability. Open up about your experience and don’t shy away from uncomfortable conversations, you never know who has been in the same position and understands what you’re going through.Â