Every artist learns something different with every project they do. An aspect of their medium that they can now respect and appreciate more. As an actor, theatre helps me confront the challenging topics in the world, it helps me feel proactive about change. For the past two months, I have had the privilege of exploring the themes of feminism and gender inequality through Chico State theatre’s production of Top Girls by Caryl Churchill, and this all female cast have made me reflect on the very struggles I’ve faced as an artist. Through this process, I’ve learned about my imposter syndrome as a woman of color in the acting industry, accepting it’s okay to act with ease, allow character journeys to evolve, and enjoy being spontaneous and in the moment rather than being over-prepared during the rehearsal process. Here are the lessons I’ve learned from my creative process that I think can be valuable for anyone who aspires to make their own art.
Celebrate Your Progress, Not Perfection
As an actor, I’ve learned that embracing uncertainty is one of the most valuable lessons I could ever learn in this craft. Early on, I learned how acting and theatre was pure athleticism, which requires a tremendous amount of discipline and physicality. I thought that if I had every line and action memorized to perfection, I’d be in control. Acting isn’t just about emoting or memorizing lines—it’s a full-body experience. An artist must maintain the physical and mental focus in order to be prepared to work through the challenges that come with performing as an ensemble. In gesture work for actors, gesture work helps to reinforce what the character is feeling or thinking without having to explicitly say it, through the use of body movement.
Think of it like the unspoken language of the body (simple movements and facial expressions) that we use everyday to something bigger and more depth in the world of performance. This discipline overall creates an internal rhythm and strength that allows an actor to deliver a performance with the same precision and commitment that any artist can bring to their work. If you put off the pressure of being perfect when trying something for the first time, you guarantee relaxed readiness every time. The beauty of art is that the story told is never stagnant—it evolves, and so should your approach to it. Once you realize the freedom of letting go of the need for perfection or approval, you discover new things about your art organically.
Who needs Imposter Syndrome?
As an actor a part of a production like this, it has been a profound journey exploring the themes of feminism and gender inequality on stage. The play confronts societal norms and highlights the complexities of women’s roles in both the professional corporate world and personal atmospheres of womanhood, thus speaking to the heart of women that face many of these struggles today. Being a woman of color in the acting industry, I’ve faced my fair share of imposter syndrome creeping in. It’s easy to feel like I don’t belong or am not seen, but when I am contributing to a project, then I have the societal expectation thrust upon me that if I do poorly, the representation of my community also does poorly in the arts, which can sometimes leave me with the feeling of heavy weight on my shoulders. That if I don’t do this, no one else will.
But I’ve come to understand that my unique perspective and identity are not only valid, but vital to bring into a space where we tell stories about the experiences of woman, and if embracing every performance becomes a testament to who I am, then I’m proud of what I can offer to the stage authentically. Thus, if you’re feeling imposter syndrome as an artist and feel marginalized, remember, those feelings are often a sign of growth. You’re pushing your boundaries and expanding your horizons—and that’s a positive thing. Challenge the internalized narrative with questions like: What have I accomplished? What stories do I have the privilege of telling? What makes my perspective invaluable to this project? Look at how much depth it could bring to your work, as your representation in the arts means that someone out there is seeing themselves reflected in a way they may not have before. That’s incredibly powerful. You are giving a voice to experiences that might otherwise go unheard. As artists, it is an ongoing process stepping into spaces that are not designed for us regardless of background.
All in all, being a part of the production of Top Girls has not only been enlightening, but empowering. It’s an incredibly relevant work, especially as we continue to navigate conversations around feminism, power dynamics, and identity. In many ways, our art is a reflection of the very struggles we deal with everyday, and is a reminder that we will forever strive to make this world a better space for those who have been oppressed.