From first dates, to meeting new friends, landing part-time jobs, fostering new connections, and learning to adult, balancing relationships with everyone around you can be so damn tiring. How do you prioritize one friendship or task without accidentally neglecting other important people or hobbies in your life? Sometimes – trying to do everything right shoves you in situations where you realize you’re doing everything wrong. And other times, you just have this lingering guilt for a relationship or a task you haven’t ignited in a while because balancing classes, work, friends, partners, finances, mental health, alone-time, catching up on shows, keeping up with family drama, and trying your best to feel stable just takes up all your time.Â
So… how do we relationship? Unfortunately (at least for me), this isn’t a cozy, slice-of-life yuri manga; instead, this is college.Â
Relationships are difficult. I’m not just talking about girlfriend-girlfriend type relationships, I’m talking about all the relationships we cultivate through our college years and the ones we’ve made beforehand. I’m talking about the relationships we have (or lack there-of) with our parents, our siblings, our childhood friends, our high-school friends, our roommates, our classmates, our club members, our coworkers, and everyone in between. These relationships are what shape our lives – so how do we manage making sure everyone feels fulfilled? Well first of all, we can’t. Second of all, it’s important to remember you are one person with a million connections and so is everyone else you have a relationship with. That friend you’re worried about because it’s been months since you’ve last talked most likely has people they haven’t talked to in years.Â
No one is perfect, but at the same time, it is also important to show appreciation for the relationships that helped sculpt your life. Your mind is a collection of everyone you’ve ever crossed paths with.Â
Plan a dinner night with your roommates. Call your mom for no required reason. Watch a movie with your sisters. Send an “I love you” text to that friend you haven’t seen in a while. Go to your professor’s office hours for a five minute chat. Say thank you to the coworkers who dealt with you in your early days. Celebrate the small wins of those you love. Sometimes, the little things have the biggest impacts.Â
Life can get in the way, though. Inevitably, there’s going to be a time when we start to view maintaining our relationships as a task and a checkmark on a to-do list. When you start viewing your relationships this way, it leaves cracks where resentment and dread can build. And honestly, it can be difficult to crawl your way out of this mindset once it sets in.Â
But it is possible.
It all starts with simply being honest with those around you. It’s okay to give yourself time to think and refresh your mind away from others. When you start to spiral and feel as if you’re failing all of your relationships, take a breath. Remind yourself that it’s okay to take intentional breaks from all the chaos and stress of keeping up with your relationships and life duties.
To be human is to connect, but sometimes those connections can have a cost. You’re not only looking out for yourself in this life, but also everyone you care about. It’s so easy to get lost in the whos and whats in your everyday life that it’s normal to feel even just a little stressed or guilty if you aren’t keeping up with your relationships.
Now, don’t think for a second I have everything figured out. I’m currently drowning at sea with all of the relationships I’m trying to maintain and keep up with. I love so many people to which that feeling of neglect is never going to go away. While this piece may or may not be a cry for help, I’ll say one thing: you are not alone. Juggling everything all at once is something only the super-human can do, we’re just students navigating adult life. Some relationships are going to dwindle while some will thrive and the rest somewhere in the middle. We’re all doing the best we can, just keep looking forward and never be scared of connection!