You finally found your dream man. You text every day, meet each other’s families and friends, and spend as much time together as possible… but you aren’t technically together. This is a situation many girls find themselves in during college, and if you haven’t personally experienced it (I’m jealous), you’ve probably seen it happen to a friend or two. Situationships have taken over modern-day dating and made it impossible to get out of the no-label zone. The term situationship is used to describe the in-between zone of a relationship and a fling, not serious enough to hard launch on Instagram, but serious enough to bond with your dad over dinner and a baseball game. This leaves room for a lot of confusion, and usually, one person is more invested than the other, hoping to take the relationship to the next step. The rise of the situationship has given room for the avoidant attachments to flourish and the anxious attachments to suffer. What seems like a win-win situation in a world of casual dating and hookups is leaving people questioning their self-worth and broken-hearted.Â
If you’re on social media, you’ve seen a thing or two about avoidant attachment. It’s been a large conversation topic when dealing with relationships in the past few years. An avoidant is someone who craves the intimacy of closeness but is scared of being vulnerable or committing. You might find yourself describing a guy as nonchalant when he actually is just an avoidant, keeping you at an arm’s distance away at all times, but still keeping you around. This ambiguity feels safe for them; if they never get too involved, they can’t get hurt. This mentality in dating is hard when the other party is looking for something more serious. There will never be agreement in a relationship if two people can’t even fully connect or admit what it is.
This dynamic can be intoxicating for a short period of time, but eventually the anxious avoidant cycle will take over and leave both parties feeling miserable. The anxious avoidant cycle occurs when the avoidant pulls away and the anxiously attached partner starts self-doubting and overthinking the relationship dynamic. The basis of the relationship, sharing every aspect of intimacy but a deep emotional connection, makes a true relationship feel unsafe or too much. It normalizes the highs and lows of uncertainty, and people get used to the unfamiliarity in love. People stay in these cycles because it feels safer than actually being vulnerable and putting themselves at risk to get hurt, but forget the pain that comes with casual.
My dad told me before I went to college that vulnerability is one of the greatest gifts we have to give, so why should we put ourselves in a position where we have to hide the extent to which we love and care just to get short-term satisfaction? Having clarity in relationships and being forward with your intentions needs to be the next big thing in dating, because nonchalance is getting us nowhere. You can’t build anything solid on maybe, so if you’re looking for your future husband, make sure he’s willing to get out of no-label purgatory. Stop shrinking your heart to fit into someone else’s fear, because halfway love only teaches you to half-feel, and we are capable of so much more.Â