What if the first thing you think about someone is the least accurate thing you know about them? More often than we realize, it is. Every judgment assumes we understand more than we actually do. I would like to live in a world built on understanding instead.
Challenging judgement
According to Daniel Kahneman, there are two systems of thinking. System one is the system we use instinctively, and it is the system that makes judgments. It quickly categorizes and automates assumptions. It’s crucial to us in order to simplify the complexity of reality, but can be inaccurate and emotionally flawed.Â
It’s in human nature to make judgements automatically. We judge people as soon as we conceive them, and the judgements stay in mind for some time. However, as we grow to understand another person and get to know their values we should put down our instinct toward judgmental attitudes and begin to choose ‘pause and understanding’.
Understanding demands a different way of thinking. Kahneman’s “System two” exists in a slow and evaluative lens. Its a way of thinking that questions and analyzes. It uses reasoning and asks what truly does matter. Growth is not the elimination of system one entirely, but knowing when to pause it.Â
what we owe to eachother
When someone does something that clashes with your one perspective on life and how to walk through it, we must see your judgment for what it is. It is simply your one perspective, and your personal choice in decision-making. Other people are simply – different. There is no singular subjective truth in this world and you cannot ever assume you are ever actually completely right about anything.Â
One perspective can’t capture the whole of reality. Reality is layered. The desire to believe that our perspective does, is called Allness.Â
Allness suggests that you encompass and know everything, without exception. But Allness cannot ever be achieved – by any means, in any situation. Therefore when you look down on others for their decisions, acknowledge the fact that you don’t know everything, and you never could. Whether it’s knowing everything about their choice, or everything about what led up to it.
Allness is psychologically comfortable because it removes ambiguity.
But life is not designed to be psychologically comfortable.
value truth, and that there isnt one
What this ultimately means for how we treat others is simple. Judgment is fast, and understanding is an intentional choice. The choice to understand is moral, not cognitive. It’s the decision to accept that you may never understand, but that it’s not your business to do so. You may know that in your lens someone is wrong. Luckily, understanding isn’t to excuse them or that choice – it is simply to admit that you don’t possess total knowledge and you are not owed by others that they live by your truth.Â
