I never dated in high school. I just wasn’t interested in starting something with the wrong person, which I knew would come to an end because high school does end and we eventually move on to college to start a new life and grow as new people. I didn’t want to give up a part of myself to share with someone else unworthy of this sacrifice and compromise.
Dating in college
When I got to college everything changed. Immediately upon my arrival, I met this kid who was pretty special. He was also persistent, despite my attempt to “friend-zone” him, as the kids call it these days. It was ultimately because I was afraid, and because he was the best friend that I had made so far in college, why would I risk that? And because even though it seems like people are happier when they’re in relationships, I was pretty happy flying solo. After watching so many couples ooze into one person, I didn’t want to become a co-dependent lump who would do something really crazy (even for someone crazy like me) and give up her dreams for a boy…
This boy eventually won me over and I became happier than I had ever been in my life. I was one of those people I thought I would never be, one who was already in a relationship just a couple of months into freshman year of college. And not only had I gained a boyfriend, I had kept my friend too.
I didn’t consider myself someone who needed validation from another person, but upon becoming his partner, I was opened up to all of these new discoveries I had never known. He was a lot like me, but had different talents and passions, which fascinated me to learn about. I never felt like I was being lost in our togetherness. We could talk about anything and it was easy, never once did I feel like there was some kind of pressure to pretend to be something that I’m not or to move faster than I wanted to.
Moving from friends to partners
He was someone who knew about who I was completely. He let me be the extremely difficult but also kind and caring person that I am, and still wanted to be with me. I’m an independent heart, so I like to fly away and be free. But he’s like an anchor to me, in the way that he keeps me grounded and from drifting away. And he does this without impeding where I want to fly because he got to know me before we began a dating relationship, which is where things get more complicated.
I have always been an independent person, who used to be afraid of the heavy feelings associated with being in a relationship. I thought being in a relationship meant giving up my freedom, but the right person will not make you give up your freedom. The right person will let you fly, but will be there to catch you if you fall. I believe that our success is based on the fact that we started off as friends, and I was able to get to know him at first and form a deep foundation of a friendship before diving into something more.
I think that “friend-zone” is a negative term that is often misinterpreted in the way that those who start as friends are not always there forever. It is completely possible to be your own person, but also to be there for or be supported by another person who is your best friend, as well as your significant other. Don’t let fear get in the way of anything. Take the leap, and no matter what, you’ll learn more about yourself as a person whether you’re solo or in a relationship.