“Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learned in my long-term friendships with women.” – Dolly Alderton
After reading this quote from Dolly Alderton’s “Everything I Know About Love,” I found myself with a stronger desire to verbally express my love to my closest friends, and to remind them, of what I don’t share with them enough, that I am grateful for their ability to ground me.
Dolly reminds me that I have unknowingly, unconsciously learned so much about love through the gracious, effortlessly confident women in my life who are my forever friends. They perpetuate a standard that “I am enough”, without me even asking for such a strong willed, but beautiful declaration.
I often think about Alderton’s quote about friendship, and immediately find myself transported back to my own nostalgic memories of dinner parties with Trader Joe’s bouquets, uncontrollable laughter over failed baking attempts, and early morning matcha chats spent scheming about a future aesthetic New York apartment we already designed the floorplan for. These memories fill me with a hopeful sort of enthusiasm because I know that the platonic relationships I share, within my young adulthood years, are anything but fleeting.
I often express, with my roommates and close friends, that I feel my feminine relationships are critical to my happiness and stability. I know that these women will absolutely be the bridesmaids at my wedding someday. In our thirties, I am adamant that we will still plan coffee shop debriefs, even after our busy work days because, not to sound melodramatic, but these women are necessary to my survival.
If there are times where you feel unsure of what love is, in relation to your own life, this book will ease your discomfort, and remind you to dwell in the love that you do know well.
I think this memoir might truly be for you if you are someone who is fond of sarcastic witty humor, chaotic, unhinged dinner parties and dates gone wrong; if you are someone who needs to be reminded that love doesn’t need to be rushed, and that neither does life; if you are someone who needs to hear the comforting sentiment that growing up, and coming to terms with the elusive, looming presence of adulthood, can be hard for all of us to process, and that is okay; and if you need a heartwarming hug in the form of a book centered on feminine experiences.
This memoir essentially takes us through Dolly’s life from being a moody, British teenager to a life-of-the-party journalist, meanwhile stopping along the way to provide us with anecdotal stories, delicious recipes, long-winded but gloriously entertaining emails, and profound takeaways about what she has learned about love through the never ending process of growing up. Dolly tackles challenging themes such as addiction, heartbreak, and physical insecurities with such an ease, that they feel like everyday, approachable topics.
You might love Dolly’s memoir if…
- If you are in need of a comforting read.
“Everything I Know About Love,” is a 362 page sleepover, and not the kind where you toss and turn without a blanket as your stomach grumbles because you were too shy to ask for a snack the night before. But the kind where you are embraced by a unique sort of familiarity.” – Hallie, age 21
Hallie Sullivan, my older sister, perfectly encompassed the energy of Dolly Alderton’s book with this quote, it truly is nostalgic from start to finish. I think that the way Dolly writes will draw you into a safe space, and beyond just feeling relatable, makes you feel completely heard. Hallie also mentioned how there are so many aspects of this book that will resonate with different people, which really is what makes it such a crowd pleaser of a novel.
“I think others need to read this book because it was literally the most comforting book I read all year! I felt like Dolly read my journals and wrote this book just for me, and I know that is how a lot of other people feel as well. It makes you feel less alone and more understood on a very deep level.” – Kaya, age 19
One of my friends, Kaya Simcoe, mentioned to me in our discussion that this book resonated with her on a very deep level. Its personalistic style will make you, as a reader, feel included, as if you are one of Dolly’s best friends from university, listening in to her on a phone call. If a comforting read is what you need right now, Dolly will provide.
2. If you find that the idea of growing up or embracing change can be hard to come to terms with.
“My biggest takeaway was just understanding how we need to have a principle of youth where we accept change and flow with it. We need to understand that youth doesn’t die with age.” -Olivia, age 19
“I think everyone should read this book because I think it makes me understand how I want my next era of life to go. Dolly says that if there is a lake or body of water, you should always just jump in it. We should jump into the things we love with respect and responsibility. We should be able to act first and think second sometimes. – Olivia, age 19
“You are moving out of the realm of fantasy ‘when I grow up’ and adjusting to the reality that you’re there; it’s happening.” – Dolly Alderton
I think for many of us, regardless of our current age, we still struggle with defining and claiming our transition into adulthood, so we need a supportive voice to guide us through. Alderton’s memoir does a fantastic job at being this source of security, and helping us understand that aging doesn’t diminish the splendor of life and shouldn’t make us feel any less secure in who we are. As Olivia Nitti stated, we need to understand that we have to “accept the change and flow with it.”
As a college freshman who is adjusting to a new setting, I am learning to navigate these changes, and whether it is creating an entirely new social circle or figuring out what major really suits me, I truly believe that acceptance of inevitable change can be a gateway to thriving. It is okay to not always see what is coming next, and to instead bathe in the spontaneity that comes your way. As Olivia mentioned, from Alderton’s book, Dolly encourages us to jump into any body of water we see, surely making for an eventful night we won’t forget. This can also remind us to give into our urges a bit more in other aspects of our life, and find enjoyment in letting go of rigid expectations.
3. If you enjoy witty, humor and need a good laugh!
“My favorite part of the book is probably the email she sends to her friends when planning her first big dinner party as a serious adult. I want to frame that and put it in my house someday. There were so many times when I was reading the emails (Alderton sprinkles them throughout the book) that I just couldn’t stop laughing.” – Olivia, age 19
From Dolly’s Chapter Entitled – Dear Friends
“Dear friends who I normally only ever get completely leathered with,
I’d love to have you round to witness my attempt at behaving like an adult. Some call this a dinner party, but I think that sounds a bit stuffy, so I’m going to call it something vague enough to seem relaxed but nothing that hints at knees-up, like: “a get-together” or “some food and drinks” or “ a casual, chilled out dinner.” – Dolly Alderton
Olivia Nitti mentioned how much she loved the emails in Alderton’s memoir, and I think for a lot of readers, these emails are probably some of the most enjoyable parts of the book. They seriously pop up with perfect comedic timing, and are laugh out loud worthy. Through them, Dolly encapsulates the unseriousness of adult affairs.
4. If you ever find self doubt creeping up on you… This Book Is A Reminder To Embrace Self Love.
“One of my favorite things Dolly talked about in her book is the importance of being completely in love with who you are and satisfied with yourself before you’re ready to be in a relationship. She emphasizes the idea that you are ALWAYS enough, no matter what, and that your mistakes and “scars” can actually lend to your beauty.” – Kaya, age 19
““Because I am enough. My heart is enough. The stories and the sentences twisting around my mind are enough. I am fizzing and frothing and buzzing and exploding. I’m bubbling over and burning up. My early-morning walks and my late-night baths are enough. My loud laugh at the pub is enough. My piercing whistle, my singing in the shower, my double-jointed toes are enough. I am a just-pulled pint with a good, frothy head on it. I am my own universe; a galaxy; a solar system. I am the warm-up act, the main event, and the backing singers.” (One of Kaya’s favorite quotes)
It is so easy to feel insecure in the current world we live in, where women are constantly faced with comparisons and judgements through the false lens of media. Sometimes, it can also be internally judging ourselves, based on arbitrary or unrealistic standards we wouldn’t hold others to. It is obviously so much easier said than done to embrace self love, and find it within all the chaos and absurdity of these young adulthood years, but if you do need a reminder that you are enough, Alderton for me personally, and I know for many other women– will help you see that you are entirely worthy.
5. If your close female friends are your foundation.
“Platonically, I love how Dolly says over and over again that her most important relationships were her friendships. Although it sounds cliche, it’s SO true. Romantic relationships come and go but your female friendships are some of the strongest you will ever encounter.” – Kaya, age 19
“Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learned in my long term friendships with women. Particularly the ones I have lived with at one point or another. I know what it is to know every tiny detail about a person and revel in that knowledge as if it were an academic subject. When it comes to the girls I’be built homes with, I’m like the woman who can predict what her husband will order at every restaurant.” – Dolly Alderton
One of the aspects of Alderton’s book that I still think about, even months and months after reading it for the first time, is the way she emphasized prioritizing female friendships. I included this sentiment again in this article because I truly believe it is one of the most profound things I have learned from any book ever. Even despite it at times seeming so obvious, it is so easy to forget to have gratitude for the depth at which your friends make an effort to know every detail about you. I also really appreciated that Alderton stressed the importance of being supportive of the romance and love your friends encounter and receive because that is part of being there for them with no restraints. Olivia and I discussed this in our interview as well, emphasizing how with the closest people in our lives, we want them to know they are always deserving of unconditional romantic love, in unison with our love for them.
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I think that every girl needs to read “Everything I Know About Love,” because it is so much more than a cliche. It is a book that reminds many of us, who experience a pressure to find the sought after feeling of love, especially around this Valentine’s Day season, to instead bathe in the fact that it already resides with us, around us, and through us, in our long term friendships with women.
Your fellow book lover,
Emoree