Mother knows best. Mom’s always right. Listen to your mother. These are pretty common phrases, would you agree? As young women, we’re often told to listen to our mother’s advice because they have the inside scoop on how to deal with the situation best. But what happens when Mom’s (or your guardian/caretaker’s) advice doesn’t work?
Here are some (well-intentioned) pieces of advice that our mothers have given us that could use a little reworking:
“Men are out for one thing. Protect yourself.”
Sure, it may seem like most men want only one thing from you. And yes! It’s advisable to protect yourself from these men. However, the issue we take with this piece of advice is this: generalization. Not all men want one thing; in fact, MANY men are kind, gentle, friendly creatures believe it or not. Many men are simply looking for friendships with others, regardless of gender. Embodying an overtly protective—even hostile—attitude towards men may feel like the best way to protect yourself. But how can we positively connect with other human beings if we always behave this way?
Alternative Advice: “See everyone as a human. Protect yourself if they behave otherwise.”
“Don’t go hiking alone.”
Again, Mom is just looking out for our safety. We’re sure that most of you have been told this by your mothers given that you attend Cal Poly. However, we find that constantly engaging in social activities, be it hiking, hitting the beach or even partying, can be draining. This is especially true for introverts or for those who crave deep introspection. More often than not, the most profound revelations are experienced in solitude. The most awe-inspiring moments of existence are experienced alone. Sometimes we need to clear our minds of the accumulated social clutter as a form of self-care. Adventure is out there. We don’t think Mom should be opposed to that.
Alternative Advice: “Enjoy your adventure, bring your safety gear and bust out those self-defense moves.”
“Cover your chest.”
Physical appearance is not indicative of one’s worth.
Alternative advice: “Let it hang.”
“Your reputation matters.”
Moms just want what’s best for us, right? That includes our reputation. Sure, we want a good reputation and yes, having a good reputation can get us “ahead” academically and socially. The issue here is that we’re often taught to heavily value our external reputation while sacrificing how we feel. This means: don’t sleep with too many people, dress appropriately, act like a lady, don’t swear so much, drink less, have a poppin’ Instagram feed…only to impress OTHERS. Think about it. If maintaining your social image is causing great internal resistance, reevaluate Mom’s advice.
Alternative advice: “Your mental health matters.”
Despite the examples above, we have to give it up for our moms. They’re the toughest, hardest working, most inspiring people in our lives. Even the most ridiculous piece of advice comes from a place of sincere love. There’s always a sliver of truth in everything Mom says.