By Emma Gomes
Many people come to college with different expectations when it comes to dating. Some want casual fun that feels like you’re dating each other, but are also talking to other people at the same time. Others want an even more casual connection that is only alive between the hours of 1am to 3 am. Then, there’s those who have heard the stories of life long soulmates who have found each other in college, and harbor that hope for themselves. What kind of relationships are Cal Poly students really after? More importantly, how exactly do they achieve the relationships they want? I interviewed students, who decided to remain anonymous, but have generously answered my questions about the dating sphere here at Cal Poly. Through their responses, I was able to get insight into the dating culture in college, as well as some of the challenges it brings.
The Dating Scene: Relationship or Situationship?
To start this investigation, I first asked my dear respondents their thoughts about the general dating scene at Cal Poly. I was surprised to hear a mixture of answers, some claiming that hookup culture is alive and well, while others claim there is still hope for a genuine, lasting relationship. To start,
“Not many people I know are dating, it’s more like hookup culture,” (freshman, female).
When living in the dorms, proximity to people isn’t a huge issue. This makes fast connections convenient, and therefore, more common. However, as the years go on, and people start to move around, your dorm crush isn’t exactly a skip and a hop away.
“It depends. I feel like when you get here a lot of people are looking for hookups. But then the more you get into college you start going like ‘okay, it’s time to get serious’ and start looking for a serious relationship,” (junior, female).
With impending graduation comes the responsibilities of impending adulthood. Some people believe that a lack of a relationship in college will mean a lack of any relationship in the future. How do you meet people outside of college, or outside of school in general? This line of thinking may lead to a further desperation to find a perfect soulmate. But how do you meet this person, who not only wants the same things as you but also wants to commit for the foreseeable future? Is hookup culture the new normal?
Dating Apps versus In Person
Upon entering college, many students entertain the idea of finding matches on dating apps. It’s an easy way to find people who match your standards both aesthetically and personality-wise. However, it still has its downsides, and doesn’t always promise a genuine connection.
“In the past, I’ve had bad experiences texting people and then going in person and the vibes just didn’t work out,” (sophomore, male).
The other problem with apps is that the only form of communication is through a screen. It’s hard to gauge certain humorous comments or tones of voice, and it’s easy to mask parts of yourself to become the kind of person you think your match would like you to be. This leads to problems because, in-person, that huge curtain between you falls, and it’s obvious when you’re trying to be someone you’re not.
While they are rarely talked about, in-person meetings, “meet-cutes,” happen daily. Whether that be in the dining hall, the dorms, in classes, clubs, the gym and more. I asked my respondents, and all seven of them said that it was better to meet in person rather than on apps. It’s a tried and true method that has worked for centuries, and even though dating these days has changed, it’s still the preferred approach to developing a sincere attachment towards someone. However, it’s hard to be in the right place at the right time for this event to occur, and there are some circumstances that make it more difficult to date in college.
Challenges of Dating at Cal Poly
If you’re in a smaller major, your options in terms of getting to know new people are significantly limited. For example, you probably see “the same five guys on every app or in classes,” (junior, female), or, if cowboys aren’t your type, your classes may be filled with “only cowboys,” (freshman, female).
Plus, “It’s hard to meet people when you’re getting busy with your own schoolwork,” (freshman, female).
Balancing academics and dating life can prove to be a challenge, especially in terms of finding time to actually hang out and pursue someone romantically. Finally, it’s hard to find people who you have a shared wavelength with in terms of dating.
“I think finding people who are looking for genuine connection versus looking for people who are just looking for someone to hook up with has been really tough,” (junior, female).
The Role of Campus Culture
While looking for someone who doesn’t want to keep things casual may be a struggle, there’s so many chances to meet new people and have new experiences because of Cal Poly’s thriving campus culture. I asked my respondents if they felt that Cal Poly was a good place to date, and I received an overwhelming “yes” in return! Many couples have met through greek life, parties, clubs, sports, classes and even in line at VG’s. Also, with changes in location being frequent, there’s plenty of chances to get to know new people constantly, which makes Cal Poly’s dating scene that much more enjoyable.
“Friend groups just change throughout your time at college. So, like freshman year it was pretty much all my dorm friends, then second year I pretty much just like had a firm friend group with a bunch of my Christian friends who I go to church with, and currently in my third year I went towards people in my major and became really close with them,” (junior, male).
Also, our campus is located in an incredibly scenic area; there are plenty of activities such as hiking, kayaking, movie theaters and more which make for exceptionally wonderful date opportunities. In summary, there are so many chances to get close with some tremendously cool and interesting people, and possibly your next love match.
Final Thoughts and Opinions
Lastly, I asked my lovely respondents what they would like to change about dating culture at Cal Poly, and I received only one conflicting response, which is that there is “nothing to change,” (junior, male). There is the consideration that people have free will, and will do as they want to in terms of dating and romance, even if that means solely looking for a relationship, only wanting hookups or something in between.
However, my other interviewees believed that no matter which relationship you’re after, it’s time that in-person meetings and connections made up the majority of campus dating culture. “I would encourage people to spend more time making actual connections, and a little less time looking for superficial, fast connections on Tinder,” (junior, female). I have to say I wholeheartedly agree. It’s time to bring back the ages of carrier pigeons, love letters and sunset promenades across a beautiful beach on a white horse. So maybe, the next time you want something either quick and casual, or a dreamy encounter with someone special, try to talk to that beautiful stranger you see every now and then. See what happens, your life may change for the better!