You know how it is. You’re in college, free from the constraints of living with your parents. You have your own space and you feel like you can rule the world. And if you’re really lucky, you meet that special someone and you want to take it to the next level. BUT WAIT! You may be fearless and fabulous, but your roommate isn’t… So, every time you try to bring that lucky person back to your place to “bake cookies,” *wink wink* but your roommate is always sitting in your room watching Netflix. Kind of a mood killer and a huge obstacle to doing the featherbed jig.
So, what do you do? You sexile them.
What is it?
Sexiling someone, for those of you who don’t know, is the act of kicking your roommate out of your shared room (or entire apartment) so you can get it on with someone. It’s a simple compounding of the words “sex” and “exile” that describes this age-old tradition. As long as there has been shared rooms and college students, someone has been sexiled.
Why it can suck:
For those of you that have had to brave the outside world when all you really wanted to do was relax in the comfort of your own home, you know how much suckage I’m talking about. Not only are you not the one getting laid, but is there really anything worse than suddenly being told you can’t come home when you have nothing to do outside of your house? Or if you need to study and you left your laptop charger at home? There is no silver lining to that situation.
Now some of you frequent sexilers might be thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a few nights. My roommate is super cool. They’d totally tell me if they were annoyed.” Think again. No one wants to be that uncool roommate who says no. So even if they are really bothered by it, they might not say anything until they let themselves get so upset that everything is blown out of proportion. It can be really inconsiderate on the part of the sexiler if not handled correctly and can eventually lead to serious tension between two previously happy roommates.
How to go about it the healthy way:
You are told in almost every situation that communication is key. Well, clichés exist for a reason. Communication is a great way to diffuse difficult situations before they even start. You two should have a conversation about basic courtesies and lay out some ground rules. This gets everything out on the table ahead of time so there are no awkward moments down the road.
As the sexiler, you have to at least try to give some notice. Of course, there are those stealth hookups that you didn’t see coming, but for the most part you will know if something’s going down. Give your roommate a heads up a few hours in advance so they can plan accordingly, ESPECIALLY if you want them gone all night. As a kind gesture, every so often, maybe buy them a ticket to a new movie they want to see so they can kill some time doing something fun on their own while you’re using the room.
As the short-end-of-the-stick sexilee, have a plan. Set up something with a close friend so that you crash on their couch if needed. If you get sexiled frequently, invest in an extra phone charger to keep in your backpack or car. Most importantly, just be honest. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, the easiest way to get through it is to let your roommate know what’s up. If they keep doing it without your permission, ask a mutual friend to mediate or talk to your RA. Avoiding unnecessary conflicts with your roommate will make your home situation way more easy going.
In the infrequent situation that you both want the room and neither of you have anywhere else to go, a simple rule to go by is this: a dry-spell beats a hot-streak. Act accordingly.
So there you have it: the dirty truth about sexiling your roommate. As much as you may really want to do the horizontal jitter bug with your babe, just remember, you share a home with another person and you should respect them.