Trigger Warning! Sexual Assault
April was Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and although we are entering into May there is no limit on support, discussion, and awareness surrounding sexual assault. Being both a survivor and a supporter for other survivors, I have learned a lot about navigating through the aftermath of such a traumatic experience. I wanted to highlight some of the key things I’ve learned that have been helpful for both healing and supporting. This list only brushes the surface, but I hope my points can provide some insight to someone who is looking for direction.
For Survivors:
Don’t Rush Your Healing
Give yourself time to process, and don’t feel pressure to put a label on what happened. It is frightening to recognize an experience as sexual assault, and is especially intimidating early on while you are still processing what happened. Identifying your experience can make it feel even more real and vulnerable, and is often incredibly frightening. Recognizing the impact of your experience doesn’t require you to name it. You should be able to process and heal on your own time. There is not a specific time frame to the process of healing, and it most definitely isn’t linear. It can feel frustrating to continue to experience emotions and triggers as time continues, but the psychological effects of something as traumatic as sexual assault probably aren’t going to ever fully disappear. Give yourself the time and space you need and deserve to process and heal properly.
Be Kind To Yourself
Recognize your experience was not your fault, and remind yourself of this when you fall back into a narrative of placing internal guilt or blame. Take care of yourself and your body; rest, fuel, recover. Eat good food, prioritize sleep, go outside, surround yourself with people who love and care about you, or spend some time alone. Whatever self care looks like for you, prioritize it; allow yourself to be fully engaged in focusing on yourself and your needs.
Talk To People You Trust
Find support in the people who care about you the most. Navigating through something so painful is easier when you have caring friends by your side. It not only allows you to work through your feelings and experience, but offers you insight into the people you are surrounding yourself with. The following reactions and actions they take to show support reflects greatly on their morals and values, as well as their commitment to respecting you as a person and friend.
Utilize Resources
There are so many free resources that offer an array of information and support. Professional guidance while navigating the aftermath of your experience can feel grounding and beneficial. Resources range from STD testing to counseling services, and I know at Cal Poly we have a resource called Safer, which is a prevention education and confidential advocacy resource. Look into what resources your city or school provides, and take advantage of them.
For Supporters:
Listen
If a survivor feels safe enough to share their story with you, be a good listener. Good support is allowing them to share their story without judgment and interruption. Show how much you care by providing your full attention and not undermining their experience by making it about yourself. Of course you should offer resources and support, but prioritize listening and making survivors feel heard.
Believe Them
This is such a crucial component of supporting survivors. Often survivors shift the narrative and blame themselves or feel responsible for or guilty about what happened to them. By communicating that you believe their story, you affirm and validate their experience, allowing them to feel heard and respected.
Give Them The Space To Talk As Much Or As Little As They Want
Talking about something as traumatic as sexual assault can be really difficult. Be there for survivors when they want to talk, but don’t push them to share more than they are comfortable with. Sharing a personal and triggering experience is incredibly vulnerable and uncomfortable. Give survivors the agency to choose the details they want to share, and provide support based on what they tell you.
Ask How You Can Best Support Them
Show survivors you are there for them by providing support in the specific ways they need. Each experience is different and individual to the survivor, and the support they need will depend on the person and their story. Listening to survivors explain the ways they would like to be supported allows you to provide the best consolation and encouragement possible.