If Your Major Was a Snack

College—it’s a buffet of all sorts of wonderful treats. From creamy and smooth to tongue-blisteringly spicy, there exists a broad spectrum of flavors at Cal Poly. The following list is by no means a generalization but merely humorous observations made by the author and her pals:

– You probably have a bunch of work to get done tonight, so you’re going to make the best of it. You’re universally well-liked by your peers, you’re smooth when graphing the physics behind plane wings and you need a sugar boost to get you to the stars and beyond. You’re a class-A Milky Way.

– You don’t mess around. Between studio and…studio, you need caffeine that acts quickly to keep your mind focused. Not only are you the sharpest tool in the shed, but you’re also efficient, stylish and determined to finish what you started. It’s likely that you chase your caffeine pill with a cup of coffee. 

– The possibilities are endless with tofu, much like the field of biology. You can spice it up and become a doctor or keep it mellow and become a botanist. Maybe you’ll make tofu-fish soup and become a marine biologist. Regardless of where your tofu takes you, you’re extremely adaptable and honest. No frills, no fuss.

– You like to get money, get paid.

– Much like honey, your sweet personality gets the job done. Not only can you ward off germs with your antimicrobial properties but also you make everything you touch that much better. You are the nectar of the gods.

-Tough to break, speckled with colorful ideas and layered with well-designed infrastructure, you are the famous jawbreaker. You’re well rounded and trustworthy but if someone tries tapping into your secrets, they’ll have to pay spicy tofu a visit.

– During endless nights in the CSL lab, the closest thing is Subway. For you, efficiency is key. Much like your favorite Subway sandwich at 1 am, you’re packed with interesting personality and questionable decisions. However, you know what works and what doesn’t, both on screen and on your sandwich. You’re a boss.

– You enjoy indulging in the finer things in life and appreciate diversity of all forms, including that of meats and cheeses. Much like the beautiful sounding verses of a Shakespeare play, you play with the flavor notes on your tongue after sampling some prosciutto or Camembert. You’re classy AF.

– There’s something satisfying about being friends with you. You’re soothing for the soul, wholesome and extremely loveable. You’re not pretentious, and you honestly care about the well being of others.

– You can look at anything and instantly know how to make it look 10x better. You, my friend, are the French macaroon: full of flavor, creative beyond comprehension and precise in execution. Sometimes we wonder how we got blessed to have you around.

– You are, without a doubt, the ultimate homie. In times of crisis and in times of celebration, you’ve always been around for others. Throughout history, you’ve always managed to support others, pull the weight of group projects and lend a hand to your hangover friends.

-You’re really good at what you do and everyone wants a taste. You have a wonderful array of personalities but when you break your calculator out and pop a Mento, things get real, real fast. You’re hard to come by, but when you do, everyone knows who you are.

-You like to stir things up and get people thinking. You’re opinionated and can sometimes be very straightforward. Your political ideas may be new to some people—they may even be too spicy—but if you give others time to digest what you have to say, you tend to swing them in your favor. You’re charismatic about change.

 

No matter your major, no matter your snack, always remember to savor all that the Cal Poly buffet has to offer. So get out there and satisfy your cravings.