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If You Can’t Find The Right Person & What To Do In The Mean Time

Serial dating is fine for some people. It’s not fun for me. Having coffee, having dinner, and having an ironic bowling date, these things all sound fun when you’re with the right person. However, if you’re like me you’re having a little trouble finding that right person. Whatever the reason may be, a relationship doesn’t seem to be on the horizon. It’s so easy to get fixated on the fact that you don’t have a person with whom you can binge watch Friends (for the sixth time). And watching Friends alone doesn’t help with that feeling of datelessness (The most unrealistic aspect of that show isn’t that they always get the couch at Central Perks, but that they are constantly dating people). But when your friends are in serious relationships, even getting married, I can’t help but feel like I should actively be searching for someone. But wanting to be in a relationship should never motivate anything you do. With that said, when you can’t find the right person, here are some things to do in the meantime.

1. Volunteer

A couple reasons for this.

  • You help people. Whether it is at a dog shelter or a film festival, filling a need is one of the best feelings ever. The high of helping others can carry you through times that may feel dark and lonely. Volunteering provides genuine connections with people who are passionate about the things you’re passionate about, which is priceless.
  • You may find your calling. What if you enjoy volunteering at the dog shelter so much you decide to change your major from Poli-sci to animal science? Or the film festival makes you apply to grad school for film? Who knows what can happen when you move your thoughts from loneliness and onto your own personal future?

2. Consume Art

Art allows you to embrace more of who you are. It’s not just paintings (if you like fine art, good for you). Art is anything that sets your soul on fire—Books, music, dance, television, movies. If thinking about it makes your heart beat faster, do it. Art allows natural catharsis that can help release stress and anxiety. Getting your fears out of your head and into your art can clear your mind of negativity—and who doesn’t want that?

3. Forge Deeper Relationships

Energy spent worrying about being along could be spent building friendships with those around you. In college, your friends become a close second to your family. Deepen those relationships, and make sure those friendships will really last a lifetime. Who knows, maybe you’ve known your soon-to-be significant other for a while now. But, again, don’t deepen your relationships with the hope that one of your friends is actually your undercover significant other.

There are too many things for a single person to do, so I am going to give you an abstract “If” to judge whether or not you should do something. If it sets your soul on fire or helps you get to the essence of who you are, you should do it. These activities will allow you to become the best version of yourself, growing your self-confidence. Stumbling upon your significant other will come naturally after that. 

Cooper is a 4th year history student at Cal Poly. He loves film, television, writing, and podcasts. Hey Nong Man.
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