I’ve Never Had a Serious Relationship & Why That’s Okay

When I was a little girl watching all of those Disney movies, I remember being so excited to find my Prince Charming. I remember being in middle school and being so excited for high school and finding my first love, going to homecoming and prom with a Chad Michael Murray look-alike. Of course, as you can see from the title of the article, that never happened.

So when I was ready to go off to college, I was excited because I thought maybe, just maybe, I would be able to find someone then. But considering I’m set to graduate this spring with no past or present prospects, I’m assuming I will be leaving Cal Poly as single as ever.

So, to put it mildly, I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I’ve never called someone my boyfriend, never celebrated an anniversary, never had that moment where my significant other told me that they loved me. Never have I been in love.

Sure I’ve gone out with guys, some of them great and some of them not so much, some that I thought it would finally work out and I would be able to finally say I was actually in a relationship. But it hasn’t happened yet.

But that’s okay.

This article can go one of two ways. It can bemoan the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship and continue to sorrowfully suggest that maybe someday you too could also not be single. OR it can be a positive spin on the fact that yes I have been in a relationship -- myself!! :)))

Yet life doesn’t really work that way and we are all human. Some days you are going to feel gloomy with the fact that there has never been that special someone in your life; other days you are going to feel like Ms. Independent and want to take over the world.

Because the world is not black and white and our feelings are not black and white either. They’re more of a wishy-washy grey.

But I just want to tell you that no matter what you are feeling, it’s okay that you have never found that special someone simply because you are not defined by who you are or aren’t dating. You are your own person and no one is ever going to change that.

So for God’s sake, go hang out with friends, join a club, do that one thing you’ve been aching to do but never have had the chance to. I promise you, even if you don’t find the love of your life (and who knows maybe you will!), you will still meet amazing people and you’ll be able to be even more comfortable in your skin, because, let’s be honest, we all need a little push in our self confidence once in awhile.

Television and movies make us think that our twenties are about trying to find the love of our lives and having some dramatic storyline that ends with them looking dreamily into your eyes and telling you that they love you. But if that’s true, then that means we’ve already found out who we are in high school and that college and post-college are devoted to finding someone and settling down. I don’t know about you guys, but I spent my high school years trying to just survive, let alone finding myself.

But now that we’re in college, we can finally take a breath and explore what we want our future to look like, see what our true interests and passions are. Actually live in the moment.

One of the problems human beings have is our ability to put all of our energy over the past or the future, forgetting that to live means to be here now at this moment. We worry and worry and worry about things that have happened and will happen but never stop to just say these simple words -- “I’m okay.” At this moment I am okay. I have a job and friends and people that care about me.

A year ago we were worrying as to what would happen to us right now. And right now we’re okay. So enjoy it, whether or not you have found that special someone or not.

Because once you realize you are okay, being content and happy becomes a state of mind rather than an event. It doesn’t have to be “When I get a boyfriend, when I find my person, then I’ll be happy.” If you keep that mindset, you’ll never be truly happy. Your life will become a bunch of if/thens, and you’ll never be able to enjoy what you actually accomplish.

Instead, don’t worry if you’ve never had a significant other or don’t currently have one. Instead take the time to enjoy what you have and what you have been able to build for yourself. The right one will come along when it does. It’ll also be awesome when they do because they will be able to add to your happiness you already have, not create your happiness you were waiting to have.