I stared at the computer screen in disbelief. Was I reading this right? Perhaps this was a joke. Maybe this email wasn’t meant for me? Did I somehow log onto another person’s email? And then reality set in, and my first thought was: Are you frigging kidding me?
Maybe I should start over. It was a generic Monday in October, and I had been sitting at my laptop, refreshing my email about every twenty minutes or so. Why, you may ask? Because the day before, I had gotten a text from a guy that I’d been dating that no girl ever wants to receive.
I have something I need to talk to you about.
Naturally, I panicked, even more so than normal because I was at home for an internship at the time, and this boy (let’s call him Harry) was in San Luis Obispo. Thoughts raced through my head: He wants to break up. He can’t handle long distance. He met someone else. He got back together with his ex. Or: He wants to make this official. He’s worried that I’m going to end it. And so on. I was also panicking because Harry asked for my email, because “it’d be easier.” Um, email? Except for communicating with professors or occasionally members of my sorority, I hadn’t used email to communicate since 2008, when Yahoo! profiles were cool. Regardless, I texted him my email address and spent the next 22 hours refreshing my inbox.
I had known Harry since the previous spring quarter. We had a two-hour GE lecture together, twice a week, and became friends. We hung out a couple times. I was totally smitten, but he had a girlfriend, which I didn’t know about. When he broke up with his girlfriend, we started texting often during the summer. We went on a couple dates once the school year started, but I was clear that I didn’t want to commit until I was back at Cal Poly for the winter quarter. Although Harry wanted to define the relationship right away, he claimed that “I was a girl worth waiting for.” (Yeah. Okay.)
Back to the present, and the oh-so-casual “Dear John” email.
“I know you’re very religious, and that’s a big part of your life. But you should know that I’m an ath[ei]st…But you deserve someone who shares those beliefs and can practice them with you. I like you a lot, and for that reason I want you to be happy in the long run of things. You’re such [a] smart, beautiful and talented woman with great values. I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding someone who is as devote[d] as you are.”
Excuse me? Was I getting broken up with because I was a Christian? Before anyone starts making any sort of judgements, let me make a few clarifications. I’d only been dating Harry for about a month, and he’d known that I was a Christian since day one. I never mentioned it much, other that I had church on Sunday mornings. I don’t drink often, or do drugs, but he didn’t either, so that wasn’t an issue. We hadn’t even been dating long enough for sexual boundaries to be mentioned. I was completely flabbergasted.
Harry told me I was beautiful, wonderful, smart, and driven. He opened doors for me and never let me pay. He made me laugh. He drove six hours round-trip to see me for my birthday. Why on earth was he ending things because of my religion? And in an email, no less! I’m twenty, and Harry’s nineteen. It’s not like we were planning on getting married. (I wasn’t, at least.) Why would religion be such an issue that it would cause him to end things barely a month in?
I wish I could write that I immediately called Harry and demanded to know what the real reason for ending things was; that I gave him a piece of my mind. Instead, I cut off all contact with Harry. My main focus was moving on, which was actually easier than I thought, mainly because I was so angry.
I am what you would call a “cradle Catholic,” and I attended Catholic schools until college. My neighbourhood was pretty much full of WASPs, so to say that I was in a bubble would be putting it mildly. Until college, I never really faced any opposition regarding my religion. When Harry said that my religion was the reason for ending things, he chose the one thing that I could not argue against. I’ve always been a devout Christian, and it’s always been a big part of my life. I was incredibly angry, not just because Harry ended things so abruptly, but because I felt that my religion was being attacked too. Being Catholic is something I would never change for anyone, no matter how cute they were or how cool their car was. I’ve dated non-Christians in the past, and it’s never been a big deal. Religion has seemed to be less and less of a deciding factor when it comes to relationships nowadays. Not many of my friends are really religious; with a few exceptions, most only go to church on Christmas and Easter, if at all.
Although Christianity is the most popular religion in the world, it’s taken quite a few hits lately. The Starbucks cup fiasco, war on Planned Parenthood, and the lack of support for gay marriage all combine to paint Christians in a very bad light. Even with millennials being notably much more tolerant than our parents and grandparents, saying that you’re a Christian can lead to getting some funny looks from your friends. Religion in general has become a very touchy topic in today’s society. Dating experts caution against mentioning religion on the first few dates, and sorority girls are told not to talk about religion to potential rushees during rush week. Teachers in public schools can get in serious trouble if they mention religion in class. There are many unfair Christian stereotypes: the Bible-belter Southerner, the Confederate-flag displaying, gun-toting redneck, the conservative Republican, the laced-up prude. Although these stereotypes can be true for some individuals, these stereotypes in no way apply to every Christian on the planet. However, because these stereotypes exists, saying that you are a Christian can lead to unfair judgements. As far as relationships are concerned, some people are concerned about dating a Christian because they fear conversion or conflicting values. Clearly, this had been Harry’s issue.
I wish I could say that Harry and I eventually became friends again. The truth is, although I’ve moved on from Harry, it’s going to take a long time for me to get over the fact that someone that I cared about dumped me (supposedly) because of the number one thing in my life-my relationship with God. But I learned something from all this. God has the right man for me out there somewhere. Someone that will help me grow into my faith and become a better person, who I don’t have to change for. I don’t regret dating Harry. He was a sweet boy that (for the most part) treated me how I deserved. Even knowing how the situation played out, I would still date him again. And if Harry ever tries to get back together, he gave me the perfect response: Sorry, but my religion doesn’t permit me to date atheists. ☺