As we cycle through every day of our lives, our world is constantly evolving without us even realizing– yet no one gives us any warning. No one told us how to act, what to wear, how to deal with tricky social situations or what people to avoid. There is no handbook, and of course, experiences are all we have because they shape us more than we’ll ever really understand.
But even through the uncertainty, there are a few things that you should remind yourself, especially when you’re feeling really down.
1. Finding your niche takes longer than you’d think
Starting off college is difficult because it can feel like you have to start over. Everything you achieved and the person you became in high school suddenly means nothing. But you always have to remember that there are more opportunities than you’d think. Allow yourself to search freely and constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone. Also, understand that you haven’t lost your past just because you’re in a different environment. The path is continued, not cut short. Finding what makes you feel truly happy and whole takes a long time — and it’ll always happen when you least expect it. So don’t be so hard on yourself.
2. Appreciate Your Parents
We’re at this pivotal point in our development where we start to notice things about our parents that we looked over before, and that’s good. Just remember not to neglect them. They’re here and they love you, and they want the best for you. That’s such an over-said and broad statement but it’s really true. While it’s healthy and human to get frustrated at them because it’s a weird teenager thing, just remember that life is short. Try to take the best out of all your interactions, because you’ll learn a lot. They love you.
3. If you don’t respect yourself, you can’t expect the same in return
It’s never cool to disrespect yourself. It’s never good to dumb yourself down. We are all striving to be the best person we can be and learning how to appreciate others. Part of being a bearer of appreciation and compassion is doing the same for yourself. Don’t dress a certain way if you feel uncomfortable doing it. We are most beautiful when we’re happiest and comfortable—that’s a known fact. Don’t sell yourself short. If you’re proud of yourself, it’s okay to say so! There’s a different between positive and arrogant. We tend to downplay our strengths and draw attention to our weaknesses. Let’s all stop doing that, and focus on making ourselves the best we can be.
4. People are just People
One of my best friends once said this to me, and it’s stuck ever since. It can be applied to almost anything in your life. We have to learn to stop being so hard on each other. Simply put, we’re all just trying to get by, learning and making mistakes. There will be disappointment and undeserved hope, but it’s important to remember that we’re all doing the best we can. It’s okay to have expectations. That’s an inherent part of who we are. But when you’re feeling really disappointed or crushed or even fuming with anger, remember these words. People are just people, and it’s not fair to expect everything from them. In a lot of relationships (platonic and romantic), we fall into the habit of pouring every part of ourselves onto the other person. We put parts of our lives into the other person’s hands, and blame them when they fall through the cracks. It’s not fair to give someone that power—it’s not fair for them to have direct control over our moods, our actions, our thoughts. We hold the power. And you always have more power in relationships than you think you do. Just remember that we’re only human.
These are just a few pieces of advice that I hope find you well. So when you feel completely lost or uncertain of who you are, remind yourself that you’re anything and everything you want to be. It’s your life.