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Cal Poly Women Get Real About Their Worst Hookups

Hook-ups are fun, right? Until they’re not. But don’t worry – we’ve all been there. Whether you were trying to make a cramped car hook up sexy or just trying to hide that late-night booty call from your roommate, there’s so many opportunities to take a wrong turn.

We decided to compile a list of some of the worst and most embarrassing hook-up stories from Cal Poly women.

Caught by the cops doing the no pants dance

“There we were… pants off…doing the deed, when all the sudden I heard some sirens right next to the car we were in. A cop came right up to the window, and started shining his flashlight on our totally naked bodies. We both struggled to put our clothes on as fast as possible so we could get out of the car. I couldn’t even find my bra, so I just threw on my shirt and crossed my arms the entire time the cop was scolding us. I really don’t suggest car sex in random parking lots.”

Got carried to bed by a two-pump-chump

“I was caught up in a pretty hot make out scene on my living room couch. Things really started to heat up when he carried me across the house to my room, threw me on the bed and ripped off my clothes. Unfortunately after literally two thrusts he was done. I couldn’t help but laugh. Needless to say, we never hooked up again.”

Puking is a great way to keep ‘em coming back

“Me and this guy who lived down the hall from me in the dorms were drinking one night with all of our friends. We ended up in my dorm with just him and me, and he started to kiss me. Unfortunately, two seconds later my head was in the garbage can and I threw up for the rest of the night… I was so embarrassed every time I saw him for basically the next three months, which was quite frequently being that he lived down the hall from me.”

My early walk-of-shame turned into a run-for-my-life

“After a great first date with one of my co-workers, we went back to his apartment and started making out on his couch. We heard one of his roommates walking up the stairs, so we moved things to his bedroom. Things really started heating up, but then he decided to check his phone and it all went downhill from there. Turns out, he wasn’t as single as I had hoped. His GIRLFRIEND was on her way over, and I needed to leave ASAP. I put on my mini skirt with record speed and literally ran with my wedges in hand back to my apartment that was blocks away. It was definitely the worst date ever, and I eventually had to quit that job…”

Find a bed, not a tent

“I had just started dating this guy when he invited me to go camping with a bunch of our mutual friends. After a few minutes of a pretty intense make out in his tiny one-person tent, we heard two of our friends walk up in the middle of a giant fight. We weren’t really sure what to do, so we just kept going with our make out session, hoping they wouldn’t realize we were in there. After what seemed like forever, our other friends showed up and asked the two fighting where we were. Turns out, we weren’t as secretive as we thought – they knew we were in there the whole time. It was so awkward!”

Sometimes you should probably just go to bed…

“After a long night of drinking I ended up at the house of the guy I was hooking up with at the time. We were getting it on and I climbed on top of him when all of the sudden the alcohol really hit me. Apparently I said, ‘I don’t feel so good…’ and ran into the bathroom, where I threw up for hours completely naked. We kind of stopped hooking up after that incident.”

Always wear a condom… and a bandaid?

“I had fallen and scraped up my knee really badly and had a pretty big scab on my knee from it. I was on top of my boyfriend, having a good time when all of the sudden I looked down and saw blood all over my sheets. The scab on my knee had fallen off and my knee wouldn’t stop bleeding. It was not one of our best hookups…”

Why bang a guy when you can bang the wall instead?

“This guy and I were in my room and he was trying pretty hard to get me to hook up with him. In an effort to do so, he went to sort of flirtatiously grab my side and tickle me. Well.. I am extremely ticklish, so instead of being super cute and giggly I basically screamed and flinched. I flinched so hard that I ended up smacking my head into the wall and practically getting a minor concussion. The boy? He smelled pizza and left my room.”

Awkward hook-ups are just a part of life – but at least we know we aren’t alone!

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Taylor Petschl

Cal Poly '18

Taylor Petschl is a Cal Poly SLO alum and is currently attending Boston University for graduate school. She is a former campus correspondent and editorial intern for Her campus! 
Junior at Cal Poly, SLO. Co-Campus Correspondent. Lover of dogs and laughter. Music Enthusiast.