Imagine you and a group of friends are walking downtown towards your car after a night of fun. Up ahead you see a college-aged couple standing outside a bar. At first they seem to be laughing together, but as you get closer you see the man wrap his arms around the girl while she tries to push away. As you and your friends pass by, the girl locks eyes with you. Her anxious expression tells you that she is not having a good time.
What do you do?
Bystander intervention is about creating situational awareness and a protective presence in your community. It’s about taking action when you witness another person in an unsafe or questionable scenario. Although there is a focus on reducing sexual assault, bystander intervention is useful in preventing and correcting a variety of crimes and other unwanted experiences.
According to mencanstoprape.org, bystander intervention has six basic steps:
1) Notice Events
Go with your gut. If you witness a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or worried, chances are the person in the situation feels the same.
2) Identify Events as Problems
Understand the potential impact an event might have if you fail to act. Is it a bad outcome? Then something needs to be done.
3) Feel Motivated to and Capable of Finding a Solution
Passivity is comfortable. Realize that you cannot rely on other witnesses to intervene. Asserting yourself into another’s situation may seem rude or scary, but remember you are not powerless. Even a few words or a small gesture can make a difference.
4) Acquire Skills for Action
Take a training course in bystander intervention or practice intervention strategies with friends.
5) Act
Be confident in your abilities! Often just letting the perpetrator know you’re watching and aware is enough to diffuse the situation.
6) Evaluate and Revise
Reflect on the situation and what you might do differently in the future.
Some other tips:
- If you’re with a group, make others aware of the situation in question and elicit their help.
- If you feel threatened or think the situation is getting out of hand, don’t put yourself at risk. If you’re in a private business, find an employee or security worker to intervene. If all else fail, don’t hesitate to call 911.
- Be assertive and direct, not aggressive. Physical confrontation and strong language is more likely to escalate the situation than help. Your purpose is to help someone in need, not to fly into attack mode like Batman.
- Get inventive! If you’re nervous about approaching the aggressor directly, engage the person being harassed in conversation (if they’re a stranger, pretend to have found your long-lost friend) or distract the perpetrator by spilling a drink near or on them (no joke.)
Campaigns like Make Your Move and Men Can Stop Rape have brought bystander intervention into the spotlight. Even the White House supports bystander intervention as a way to prevent crime, particularly in college communities. Caring for the wellbeing of your community is not just about volunteering and supporting small businesses; it’s about taking action when you see a fellow member of the community in trouble. Knowing what you do now, how would you respond to the situation at the beginning of the article?
You stop walking and tell your friends you think this woman might be in trouble. They too felt that something was wrong but didn’t know what to do. With your friends behind you, you take a deep breath and approach the couple. The man is still drunkenly embracing the woman. You tap on his shoulder. “Excuse me. I think you’re making my friend here uncomfortable. I’d like to talk to her for a minute; can you give us some space?” The man looks at you and then at your friends. He releases the woman and, mumbling under his breath, goes back into the bar. The woman thanks you and you offer her a ride home. You will never know what would have happened if you didn’t intervene, but you do know that a bit of courage and a moment of your time kept a now safe woman out of a potentially dangerous situation.