Cal Poly is famous nationwide for the enormous population of horses on campus. As the old adage goes, “Horses are made for riding!” so I tried my hand at horseback riding with a few of Cal Poly’s own ponies. Here are seven things I learned while doing so:
1. Apparently it is against campus code to ride through Dexter Lawn.
Okay, honestly, how would anyone have guessed this? If the campus police are going to be so uptight about this regulation, maybe they should add a little picture of a horse to the “no bike zone” pictures. At present, there are no publicly posted signs prohibiting riding a horse through Dexter lawn, but make no mistake — you will be ticketed for doing this.
2. Horses are not carnivorous.
Mothers often tell their children to be careful of horses as they are one of nature’s most dangerous predators and will take a big old bite out of your flesh without remorse. This is not true. As far as I could tell, the horse whose favor I attempted to curry before riding was not enticed by the hamburger I offered it. It didn’t even take a bite of the delicious quarter-pound patty. Importantly, I later noticed the horse eating a patch of grass. I checked with a biology professor who told me grass is definitely not meat. Myth: busted.
3. Saddles are a must-have for beginners.
Who among us has not watched Gandalf ride Shadowfax bareback and thought, “Well that looks easy enough; why don’t I give that a try?” I’m betting none of you. Well I had this thought too, so I tried to mount a trusty steed without a saddle or reins. Huge mistake. Not only did I fall over the other side of the horse 9 times, once I actually managed to seat myself upon its back, I was immediately thrown off. What’s more, without reins—or, “the steering wheel of the horse,” as they are known—the animal was virtually useless to me.
4. Horses do not speak English, Spanish or French.
When I first thought about riding a horse, I thought it would be helpful that I’m fluent in English and Spanish, and have a working knowledge of French. Boy was I wrong. Horses do not appear to speak any of these languages. If anyone has any clue what language they do speak, please let me know. This has been a huge confusion to me.
5. If you see Joshua the Horse, don’t speak to him.
Joshua is a real prick. Just steer clear of that guy. That’s the last I’ll speak on the matter.
6. The College of Science and Mathematics has zero horse students.
Honestly, when I found this out I was more than a little outraged. I knew horses were underrepresented in STEM fields, but seriously COSAM? Zero? Shame on you.
7. Horses have no need for rain boots.
It’s been raining quite a bit here in San Luis Obispo, and I thought I would do well to offer a horse two pairs of rain boots before attempting to ride it. (Notice how courteous I was in taking into account that the horse has four feet and not just two.) The horse was thoroughly confused by this gesture, however, and I narrowly avoided a swift kick to the face.
Well, I hope this list has helped inform you if you ever try to ride one of Cal Poly’s famous Mustangs!