Spring quarter means one thing, and one thing only- tour groups. If you go to Cal Poly, you’ve probably seen them meandering around while gazing fondly at our beautiful campus. No matter how long you’ve been at Cal Poly, it’s always a little startling when a mass of twenty people start flocking towards where you’re peacefully studying on Dexter. Our thought process usually goes something like this:
1. Ooh, what’s happening over there? Some kind of event?
2. Huh, that crowd looks kind of young.
3. Oh jk, it’s a tour. Those are high schoolers.
4. Geez, that’s like the 5th group I’ve seen this week, and it’s only Wednesday.
5. Awe, look at all the hope and excitement in their eyes.
6. This must be like Disneyland right now.
7. Ah, to be young and carefree. I remember when I was in high school.
8. Wait, that was awful. College is 100X better.
9. They look so little…was I that little?
10. Look how they actually put effort into their appearances.
11. Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts once you actually go to school here.
12. After week 5 or so, you’ll be lucky if your shoes match, let alone your socks.
13. Yeah, that’s right, I’m a hard working college student, watch me do my thang.
14. Wait no, don’t look at me, this isn’t a zoo. I’m not an animal.
15. Why do I always look so frumpy when I run into tour groups?
16. I’m not an accurate representation of our school’s demographic, I swear there are much cuter students here than myself.
17. Ew, do they have to like, take SATs and APs soon?
18. Yuck.
19. I should go tell them how awesome this school is.
20. You should ALL go here!
21. Oh no, for the love of God, don’t show them Metro.
22. I see you trying to hype up that “all you can eat” motto, Mr. Tour Guide. Stop it.
23. Shoot, are they going where I’m going?
24. Can you not?
25. Nah, maybe they’ll go the other direction.
26. No they’re totally coming right at me.
27. THEY’RE GETTING CLOSER!
28. Welp. I’ve been enveloped by a tour. *Sending SOS texts in case I don’t make it out alive*
29. Maybe I should ask questions?
30. That could be funny.
31. Nah, I’ve got things to do today.
32. But actually, I ‘ve got places to be. People, can we walk a little quicker?
33. Eh, some of these young-ins don’t seem too awful
34. You guys should really choose Poly, we’re the best.
35. Yes, the weather is really this nice all the time, good question, tour Mom.
36. I could totally be a tour guide.
37. Their questions aren’t even that hard.
38. And I know campus pretty well.
39. Oh wait, he for sure just cracked a joke, this guide is hella funny.
40. Yeah, no, I can’t make jokes, the tour life didn’t choose me.
41. But like, really, get out of the way.
42. Please don’t clog up the Starbucks line.
43. I’m running on 3 hours of sleep, and I’m gonna need caffeine if I’m going to try to stay awake before my next nap.
44. You should all come here. But, like, please don’t get in the way of me and my coffee
45. Gosh our school is so cute and awesome and great.