At the end of the semester, college students are all making the final push to ace (or, more often, survive) their final exams. For many, the image driving them forward is that of winter break — time off from school that they get to spend at home with family and friends. Those that do go home for the holidays often find that their rose-tinted vision of time with their loved ones does not match the reality of their situation (or maybe they did not have high expectations to start with).
When I was a freshman, I could not wait to finally see my mom and siblings after months of not seeing them. In the hour between my mom picking me up at the airport to us arriving at home, I had already become frankly quite annoyed with her. Even though we have a good relationship (for which I am very fortunate), my mom and I may have had different expectations for how things were going to be when I got back. Being a headstrong “independent adult” after my few weeks as a college student, I felt that I should be treated more differently after having moved away from home. Although no longer a freshman, the at-home dynamic can be one filled with the dissonance between nostalgic comfort and the tense desire for recognition of change.
For those that don’t have comfortable relationships with their immediate family or relatives, this can be an even more trying time. Surely there are many people that genuinely enjoy the family togetherness of the holiday season, but some are forced to participate with people that they have had bad relationships with or some feel lonely that they don’t have the chance to celebrate surrounded by love.
Dysfunctional family Christmas is its own Hollywood archetype, but those stories almost always have a happy ending. If you’re just trying to make it by, here are some tips:
-
Do your part. If you want to be treated and respected as a young adult, you should act responsible and mutually respectful.
-
Express your caring with time and attention. For the people you haven’t seen in a while, they mostly want to spend time with you doing anything and everything. Spending time alone or with other friends is normal and healthy, but you’ll just want to be aware of how others interpret that.
-
Understand and listen to your own limits. While I just brought up catering to others’ needs for your affection, you want to make sure that you’re caring for yourself and prioritizing yourself even for events and celebrations that are not about you.
-
Your time off is valuable. Spend it doing what you want with the people you want, even if that means watching Netflix in a place that’s not your dorm room. There is pressure to make the most of that time seeing people and doing things, so purposely choose to spend your time as you desire to avoid regretting things later. You don’t have to be productive, but, as always, actively choosing to take time to relax will be more fulfilling than it happening in the form of bored procrastination.
-
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The aphorism applies to your overvaluing of those you missed while at school, and it also applies to you probably realizing how much you like your friends and situation at school.
-
Know that who you are and where you are at is valid and great. Being bombarded by questions from those you haven’t seen in weeks or even years can be overwhelming, and often that translates to questioning who you are and if you’re on the right track. Don’t get caught up in getting compared to your friends or relatives. You’re your own person with your own value, and that is something that you (and your friends and family) should know about you.
- It’s okay, I didn’t get a Swegway either. We will be better as people for not receiving these gifts.
So, enjoy what you can, and have the best holiday that you can.
Peace and love