The Love You Feel

I knew my Lola was going to pass away someday, no one lives forever. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. I love her so much, I always talked about her at school- to my friends and to my RA staff members. They knew what was happening, so when I told them it wasn't looking so good last Thursday, they offered their support and love. And I love them for that because they were my support system when I was away from the people I felt like I should be around. 

The love I felt and saw from my family on that Thursday night was the best thing that could happen on such a sad night. We have a Facebook group chat and we all video called our Lola at the same time, there would be at least 6 people at one time and all 40ish of us for the most part. We called in and we just told her how much we love her and how much she means to us. My cousins and I especially tried to talk to Lola as much as possible. We started recounting memories and ended up reliving some of the more embarrassing childhood quirks we all had. 

                                                                                                       My cousins and I in Buffalo, New York in 2007

While we were all sad and worried about Lola, we tried to send her and show her as much love as possible. And with that, we were also trying to send each other some love. We knew how we all felt because this was our Lola and in my mom and aunts and uncles case, it was their Mom. She was such an important part of our lives and in that moment we wanted to express it. The love a family has for each other is one of the most comforting things I could have felt at that time and that's one part of love- to comfort those in their times of need. 

It was difficult talking to everyone and being part of the video call with Lola and everyone, I wanted to be there but it was difficult to just be part of it and wait for the worst to happen. But I had someone with me for most of the time I called in and that made my heart a little less heavy. Even if it was difficult for that person to be with me because it was very close to their life, they still stayed. Because they loved me and for that I love them. That's another part of love- wanting to be there for someone even if it does cause a little pain. You obviously shouldn't always put yourself through pain for love, but there's a bit of sacrifice for love. There's a bit of pain with love because it's not always going to be easy, but if you love someone you do what you can. 

When I went to the Philippines, there was so much love. Even if my family was so devasted, we hugged and kissed each other when we were finally together. We laughed and smiled because we were happy to be in each other's presence. Then came the point where I had to look at my Lola in her casket and it felt like the world stopped and so did my heart. All I could think of were all of the memories we had together and the love she had for me. There was so much love and happiness, and I cried because of the thought that I would never experience that love from her ever again. I would never be able to express all the love I had for her ever again either. No one would, and I think that's why we all cried. That's the worst part about love- when it's gone or when it feels like it's gone forever, it hurts so much that you cry for days. 

The next few days were rough, but the night before the funeral we all took the time to say what we wanted to Lola or talk about the good memories we had about Lola. I've never seen so much love for one person than in those moments. So many people came to express their love and appreciation for Lola and a lot of people cried for her too. There was so much love for Lola and for us, the support we felt came from all over.  

Love is supposed to be comforting in your times of sadness, love is supposed to be present when you need it most. Either from family or friends, love is given when love is needed.