Bella Swan from the Twilight Saga told us that, “You’re a strong, independent woman,” and I try to tell myself that when I see couples holding hands or when I hear that one of my friends got asked out, but in all honesty, it’s hard. It’s hard trying to keep a smile on my face and say that it doesn’t get to me, but if I am trying to stay honest here, then I would say that it shakes me to my core and I’ve cried myself to sleep on endless nights wondering what was wrong with me. I wondered why I wasn’t pretty enough, why I wasn’t curvy enough, why I wasn’t outgoing enough, I just wondered why I wasn’t good enough for anyone and what was I doing wrong. Should I have just told him how I feel or should I play it safe and hang out in the back admiring him, the endless questions corrupt my mind, and in the end I just feel depressed and lonely. And I could say that I never feel like this anymore and that the late night terrors don’t hurt me anymore but I would be lying; I would be lying because the fact that the boy from CSUN barely knows my name gets to me and the fact that I barely know what to say him makes me cringe, but you know what, that’s okay and I wish someone said that to me, so now I’m passing my little bits of knowledge to you.
My first little bit of knowledge is that just because you don’t have a boyfriend or the fact that you have never been asked out and it makes you feel like an outsider in the Lonely Hearts Club, I get it. I understand completely and I can tell you that not having a boyfriend will ruin you but honey, in all honesty, I would be lying. And I am that one person that believes everything happens for a reason and if the Lord has not placed someone in my life then I know that right now isn’t the time for someone to be here. And being single doesn’t mean that you’re left out and that nobody is including you in the club, being single means you have this time until whichever time you have a boyfriend to get things right with yourself and taking this time to learn how to put you first.
That brings me to my second point, never being asked out doesn’t mean no one wants to date you and doesn’t mean that you’re forever alone. Being single and having that opportunity to yourself means you can start a journey to self-discovery and I know this sounds extremely cliche, but it’s true. It’s taking me each and every day to realize that my worth is not based on how many guys are interested in me but how much time, effort, and love I put into myself. And maybe that’s taking a little bit of time (3-5 minutes even) and telling myself that I like how my hair looks today or I enjoyed spending time in other people’s company. Having this time opens up a doorway for you to reflect and start putting you first. This could be finally doing something you have always wanted to do like going to a movie by yourself or it could be taking yourself out to dinner and treating yourself because that’s perfectly okay to be in your own company. And taking this time to yourself can help you discover what you want in your significant other. For example, someone once told me to write down all the nonnegotiable things that I wanted in a person, meaning that if they did not have these qualities then they weren’t the one for me. Because we live in a society that says “opposites attract” but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty qualities about another person, then that’s where things should be the same. And I encourage you to think about this and think about what you want in your significant other, because it’s okay to say that you won’t settle because each and every one of you deserve the best.
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My last and final bit of knowledge is that if you are inexperienced sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. going into a relationship, you are not the only one, because I struggle with that fear that because I’ve never kissed anyone, I might screw everything up. And I am here to tell you that just because you are inexperienced does not mean that you will “fail” in your relationship because everyone has to start somewhere and that first kiss may be awkward, but life is going to have ups and downs and one day you’ll look back and laugh at it. And just because you are inexperienced, does not mean you are a coward and will back out of doing anything with the other person and because you might not have any sexual experience does not mean you are willing to try anything.
Just because you have never been asked out, does not, I repeat, it does not and will not ever mean that you are not good enough. You are worth more than the entire galaxy and all its stars, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and finally you are irrevocably irreplaceable. So someone hasn’t asked you out right now, that just means you have more time to yourself to figure things out and all that matters is that you know that.
Photo courtesy of Upworthy
With Extra Love,
Rae