A couple of weeks ago I got sick. Sick enough to just crawl out of bed, shower and make it to class. I sat quietly in my seat with my tissues and cough sweets being my best friends. But even when I was this sick I still questioned whether to do my makeup. For the past four years I have worn makeup nearly every day of school or college. Without it, I feel unproductive and part of my confidence is taken away. I know there are many people who choose to not wear makeup daily or often and are okay with their decision, but I’m not one of them. It’s not that I feel like I need to, but I want to. As someone who has fair skin when I don’t wear makeup some people assume I’m sick, or overly tired because you can see my bags, or they assume I’m sunburnt as I have mild Rosacea. This makes the skin on my cheeks look quite “rosy” or red. Some days are worse than others but I am always been conscious of it. Luckily my Rosacea isn’t very bad compared to others who have it and I don’t need to use treatment, but it is noticeable and I have to apply more foundation and concealer in these areas if I want to cover it. There isn’t any cure but there are treatments that can be used. If you want to learn more about it you can read here at National Rosacea Society.
Anyway, after a small debate I decided to only put on mascara and not wear any other makeup as I figured I would rub it off within the first hour and I didn’t have the energy to worry about reapplication to cover my Rudolph nose. At least it would blend in with my cheeks. In the beginning I felt too bad to worry much about what I looked like, I was more focused on making it through class and getting the notes I needed. But when I started to feel better a couple of days later, I became more conscious that I wasn’t wearing makeup. Aware that I was going to class and walking around campus with bare skin showing my imperfections; all the parts we consider “ugly” on show. When I was growing up my mum always told me that I didn’t need to wear foundation and it was better for my skin and its breakouts to be left alone and not be covered with makeup. When I went through puberty I rarely wore makeup particularly as my school had a rule that didn’t allow us to wear it. It wasn’t until I moved schools that I developed an interest in how it can make me look.
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I think anyone who has worn makeup or wears makeup can agree that it makes you feel different. Personally I like to wear it because it can even my skin tone, hide my blemishes and accentuate my features. As I mentioned earlier it makes me feel productive and gives me a small boost of confidence which at times I am grateful for, such as presenting in a class. Over the past few years it has become a part of my identity. My makeup has also changed from blue eyeliner and blue mascara, to wearing black eyeliner every day and a fuller face to a more natural look with earthy tones to highlight my features more. When I was discovering my style, who I wanted to be, and developing my confidence in who I am as a person, I was also going through big life changes of moving schools and countries, and it gave me what some might call “a mask” to face the world every day. I am thankful for that mask.
To remove that part of my identity and take my mask away was a big step for me. It gave me comfort and without it I was stepping outside of my comfort zone. I admit it felt weird and I was anxious to be showing my more raw self to others. But I soon realized no one cared. No one questioned or judged me for turning up to class without makeup when I normally do. At the end of the day it is college and I see some people eat dinner in their pajamas. It may sound cliché or silly to some but I felt more content with myself and stopped viewing myself in the way I used to when I didn’t wear makeup out and about in places. What’s more, my skin loved it. After that week it looked clearer and happier than I had seen it in a long time. The redness had even subsided a little too. It made me question why I hadn’t done this before. Now after having worn only mascara for a week I’m worried less about whether I do it or not. I still like to do it but if I run out of time or I want a lazy day or my skin needs a day to heal and breathe without being covered by products, I feel happy to do so. I feel confident to do so. My point of sharing this experience is if you were like me, you should try it. You might be surprised of how you feel.