*Disclaimer: These tips might not work for everyone. They are based off of personal experience only. *
Going through a breakup is a difficult thing. It’s hard to lose someone that you had become so close to. To go from talking daily to acting like strangers can be extremely painful. Whether you ended things, or they did, it’s going to be hard. But it’s important to remember that the breakup is not going to be the end of your life. It’ll hurt for some time, but it will always get better. Here are some tips for how to get through a breakup:
1. Allow yourself to go through the 5 stages of grief.
The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You may not go through the stages in this order, or even go through all of them. But allow yourself to feel all of this. My only bit of advice would be not to go back to your ex during the bargaining stage. If you feel like bargaining in order to get back together, try to take your mind off of the situation. And if they try to bargain with you, be understanding, but if you don’t want the relationship, make sure that is known.
2. Surround yourself with friends and family.
It may feel like you’re alone right now, but it’s important to remember that your friends and family will always have your back and will always support you. If you ever need someone to talk to, reach out to these people, and most likely, they’ll be able to help. If you don’t want to ask for help, simply having them around will make you feel better.
3. If things are extremely bad, seek professional help.
Not everyone believes in therapy, but it can help. Even if the therapist doesn’t give you any new insights, talking to someone that has an outside perspective can always be helpful. Those close to the situation will have a bias, whereas someone like a therapist will be able to give you an honest opinion.
4. Do not rebound.
It may feel like you need to find someone new immediately after, so you can feel “whole” again, but you’re simply rebounding. It’s not fair to the person you choose because they may end up having true feelings for you while you’re simply using them as a distraction.
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5. Do not use Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, etc.
Now, this one is a judgment call, but after my experience and the experiences of a few friends, going to these online dating sites will only aid in making you feel worse, whether about yourself or about the situation in general. I can’t say you won’t find new happiness on these sites, because that does happen. It’s just important to keep in mind that these distractions will only help for so long.
6. Keep yourself busy.
If you allow yourself to dwell on what happened, you’ll possibly fall into a depressive state and will dwell on the situation too much. By keeping yourself busy, you’ll be able to take your mind off of everything. Work on some homework, call up a friend, watch a movie, read a book, anything that works for you. Focusing on all of the things you loved to do before your relationship will also help you to move on. We tend to lose ourselves in relationships and it’s good to regroup and ground yourself once again after a breakup.
7. Block/unfollow your ex on social media.
Not everyone has the need to do this. But if the breakup was particularly bad, it may be for the best. For most, it may be too hard to watch that person move on if you haven’t yet. And in the worst cases, it could lead to petty posts and stalking, which is something no one wants.
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8. Try not to allow yourself to be manipulated back into an unhealthy relationship.
For anyone getting out of an unhealthy relationship, it is very easy to get pulled back in with tears, an “I’m sorry”, or some once in a lifetime grand gesture. But unfortunately, more often than not, this is just a manipulation tactic that will land you in the same position as before. If the relationship was unhealthy, make sure to watch out for this because it’s easily overlooked.
9. Take the time to understand that there are so many amazing people out there.
Just because it didn’t work out between you and this one person, doesn’t mean it won’t work out with someone else. Keep your options open. You’ll never be able to meet your perfect significant other if you continue a toxic relationship or a relationship you’re simply not feeling anymore.
10. And most importantly, take care of yourself.
Make sure you’re eating, exercising, and staying healthy. Avoid drinking, smoking, drugs, and anything else that may be harmful to your body. It gets hard sometimes, but turning to those coping mechanisms will only make it worse. Maintain a healthy diet, keep up with school work and your career, and try to have a positive outlook. You are what’s most important, focus on you.
Another important thing to keep in mind is that you will always break your own heart by loving someone who doesn’t have the same heart as you. It’s okay to put you first and if ending something is what’s best for you, then do it. Eventually, you will move on and so will they. The world is full of people. You’ll find the person meant for you.
*Special thanks to Keely Krasomil, Oliver Briggs, and Kledi Bici for some tips and advice.*