Between working, family get-togethers, and general run of the mill life interferences I managed to find time to indulge and enjoy Netflix. The last time I was on break, which was winter break, I was completely invested in baking shows, specifically The Great British Bake Show and Zumbo’s Just Desserts. Both of these shows are amazing and I highly recommend. But this summer break, I found myself watching quite a few stand up comedies and there was one comedian I really enjoyed watching: Iliza Shlesinger.
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There are multiple reasons as to why I loved her sets. Not only was she funny, but she addressed important issues that we, as women, need to start talking about. She opens up a conversation about several aspects of what being a woman in America is like and also acknowledges that her experiences and privileges mean that her life is different from others’. I appreciated her self-awareness and courage to recognize that what she experiences as a “white, upper middle class woman” is different from other women in America; some may feel like that experience would invalidate what the points they’re trying to make but I believe that by acknowledging the differences, you give yourself the opportunity to be more credible by not over-generalizing the experiences of all women.
In the first 15 minutes of one of her sets, Iliza Shlesinger: Confirmed Kills, she talks about how exhausting it is to be a girl, specifically the inner battle we all probably go through and the reason why it takes us so long to get ready when we know we’re going out. She makes it funny by explaining the role of everyone’s inner “party goblin” but then she delves into some specific details about girls. She describes this “pinnacle of beauty” that girls reach when they’re getting ready and how every minute past that pinnacle, we get uglier because we keep trying to fix ourselves. I love how she brought this up because I’ve personally experienced that. I’m getting ready and I look at myself and I’m like, “huh, not bad, you actually look good.” But then for some reason or another, we aren’t leaving at the time we’re supposed to, so then I look at myself again and I think that there’s something else I can do to make myself look better, I’ll add some more mascara, or try to do something with eyeshadow, or I’ll mess around with lipstick. But by doing that, I’m trying to fix something that wasn’t broken and that moment is what Iliza addresses. She also talks about how throughout the day, girls are constantly fixing something about themselves like their hair, makeup, the bras, the underwear – we are constantly needing or wanting to adjust something that’s on us to make us look perfect and she says that this is the inner battle that we have with ourselves. We know that we look good, we know that we don’t need to but we still do and that inner battle really is exhausting.
Iliza also began to talk about an time where she had to find her lip liner in a big bag, which we already know would be a struggle because any girl with a big bag will tell you it’s bottomless like Mary Poppin’s, but this was her segue into another point. She explained that in the process of finding that lip liner, she was at one point on the floor and a the door guy at the bar came up to her – but her point in this story and why she brought it up was because of how vulnerable she was in that moment. She knew that by literally lowering herself to the floor she lost all credibility as an adult but she brings up the point that she didn’t like that experience because it was another reminder of how vulnerable women are on a day-to-day basis. This is true, scarily true. There are so many moments where women are in situations where their vulnerability is amplified. From walking by yourself at any point in day but especially at night to times like if your car breaks down or you get a flat tire, women are seen as vulnerable and weak in those moments. But that’s because women, historically and biologically, are just in general physically weaker than men. I’m not saying we are weak and that we can’t do what men can do, but the amount of times that I’ve had to ask one of my male friends to help me lift something or move something is more than I’ve had to ask my female friends. This isn’t something that’s meant to stop us from doing what we want, we still can but it’s an explanation of why women are more vulnerable and Iliza makes the claim that the vulnerability is the root of the oppression we experience as women. We still have girl power, that’s for sure, and Iliza talks about how we as women do have our own strength like the strength it takes to give birth or the mama bear strength that allows mothers to lift cars off their child.
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Iliza then begins to talk about the topic of sexual harassment. She talks about more than just the fact that sexual harassment is disgusting and the fact that someone thinks it is okay for them to sexually harass a woman is deplorable; she talks about what being sexually harassed feels like. As a side note, another reason why I love her is because she reminded the girls in her audience that in case they didn’t know, “you can wear whatever you want.” And that statement is so important for girls to hear, especially from someone who is older than us and who has had more experiences than us. Logically speaking, we know that we can wear whatever we want and it doesn’t give anyone the right to harass us. But, realistically, that’s not the actual case. It’s difficult to believe that we can actually wear what we want when we see evidence that no matter what we wear, we’re still vulnerable to sexual harassment. From recent events like Ariana Grande to daily issues like dress codes, girls are constantly being told that what we wear needs to be monitored and if we do “step out of line” and wear something that other people don’t agree with then we will be punished for it, either through disciplinary measures like detention in school or social measures like being bullied or harassed. But Iliza then talks about what’s really disturbing about sexual harassment like when someone yells at you across the street; what’s disturbing is the knowledge that if that man wanted to act on what he’s saying, he probably could. That’s terrifying and that knowledge can sometimes make it harder to fight back or yell back. She talks about how because girls are strong, we will yell back if a guy yells at us. But she touches on this very specific moment after we yell back when we wonder if we messed up and if this guy is about to come to us. I’ve had this experience, as well as I’m sure many other girls have. It’s terrifying and sometimes you feel like you can’t take a breath until you know you’re in a safer place. Iliza talks about how sexual harassment is the feeling of someone’s “unrequited, uninvited sexual energy on you” and that’s true. Sexual harassment is unrequited and uninvited, regardless of what you are wearing- your clothing is not intended nor can it actually invite someone to force their energy on you. And she talks about sexual harassment in the way that it happens, completely by surprise. You could be walking down the street and someone just yells something disgusting and all of a sudden you feel disgusting too, like you need to physically wipe away the energy they just put on you.
There are so many more topics that Iliza talks about that’s important to us as women, to our experiences as women that should be talked about in a way where we aren’t being judged. I highly recommend you watch her sets because not only will she make you laugh, but she’ll make you feel like your stories are being told too. She reminds us to be ourselves and to love ourselves, that who we are is exactly who we need to be and anyone else who says otherwise can keep it to themselves. Iliza Shlesinger talks about the funny parts of being a woman, the serious parts, the sad parts, and the secrets that no guy really knows.
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