Welcome to Ask Gumby, advice from the Regals of Cal Lutheran.
Gumby, or Enormous Luther, presides over the campus of California Lutheran University with his arms streched wide to encompass everyone with his love and grace. This help column tried to remember these values in answering questions, so that every answer is considerate and supportive. We’re opening our arms to your questions!
In each article there will be a question, submitted by a reader, and multiple different outlooks and opinions on what should be done in response to that question. Let us begin.
“I’ve been spending a lot of time lately with a guy that used to hit on me. Now we both just want to be friends. My long-time boyfriend and I are both jealous types, so I’m not surprised that he is upset about it. I know he doesn’t want me to talk to this guy, but he would never tell me to stop because he knows I like this new friend. Should I “break up” with my friend?”
-Good Girlfriend
Dear Good Girlfriend,
Opinion 1: Relationships are built on trust and communication. Trust is something that is only earned and can be accomplished through communication. With that, it is important to acknowledge each others feelings. If he is not talking about it with you, it means that your relationship is very important to him and he does not want to risk anything.
The responsible thing to do is to talk about how he feels about this friend in your life. Find out what really is going through is head, you will not truly understand until you know his side. Also, talk to your friend about boundaries. All three of you can even have a talk. You might even become the three amigos (Probably not though)! So, instead of ruining your friendship, work with your boyfriend to build trust.
Opinion 2: As you said, you are both jealous types. Try putting your self in his shoes, by doing this it will completely change your perspective. What if he was close to a girl who used to hit on him. How would that make you feel? If it would make you upset, then you need to realize, that you are doing just that to him. Think about it. This is just one friend? Is this going to happen with every one of your friends you bring along?
In every relationship, you need to make sacrifices, it is just up to you determine those sacrifices.
Opinion 3: Also, what do you value more? This friendship or your relationship? Is this friend someone you have known for a very long time, or have they newly been introduced to your life. Your boyfriend might consider this new friend to be a threat to your relationship, he might be intimidated.
It is very possible to have both this friend and boyfriend but be careful. When you are around your boyfriend, do not text your friend, dedicate your time to be with your boyfriend.