Welcome to Ask Gumby, advice from the Regals of Cal Lutheran.
Gumby, or Enormous Luther, presides over the campus of California Lutheran University with his arms streched wide to encompass everyone with his love and grace. This help column tried to remember these values in answering questions, so that every answer is considerate and supportive. We’re opening our arms to your questions!
In each article there will be a question, submitted by a reader, and multiple different outlooks and opinions on what should be done in response to that question.
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It wasn’t a bad end, at all. No one cheated, no one lost feelings. Distance, something we couldn’t control, got in the way. We still love each other. It’s just so hard to get through the day when he’s on my mind all the time. He’s the one I want to be with, but I know that it’s never going to happen. There is no possibility of us getting back together. We plan to stay in each other’s lives, but how do I get over someone I still really really love and care for??? -First HeartBreak
Dear First Heartbreak,
Opinion 1: You need to accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. By hanging on, you are hindering your growth. Do not let this heartbreak define you. Being friends with him is only going to make it harder to get over him. Request distance from him, not literal distance but figuratively. Your wounds are still very fresh at the moment and even though you want to stay in each others lives, it will make the closure process a lot harder if you continue to revisit those feelings.
Opinion 2: Do not blame your self for not being able to move past this. You shared so much with this person, that sometimes it is hard not to think about it. But, don’t say that you will never end up together. Right now it does not seem like your paths will cross, but who knows what the future holds. Now that is not me saying you are destined to be and to stay hopeful but it just important to not worry so much about that far in the future, instead think about the now.
Opinion 3: Use this new distance and free time to your advantage. Enjoy that you get to have a separate life where you can focus on your self. At college you have so many opportunities to find a support group, make friends and join clubs.
Thank you for joining us for this Ask Gumby segment.
Keep in mind we will answer questions about ALMOST everything: love, romance, money, classes, sex, family, friends… I think you get the idea. Keep in mind, we do have the right to choose to not answer a question if it deems unfit for the post. Do know that ALL identities will remain anonymous and if we use any names, they will be changed for privacy purposes. Even the advice columnists answering these questions will have no idea who the question was from. If you would like to see your questions answered on Her Campus Cal Lutheran’s “Ask Gumby,” fill out out questionaire and we will answer your question as soon as possible.