Welcome to Ask Gumby, advice from the Regals of Cal Lutheran.
Gumby, or Enormous Luther, presides over the campus of California Lutheran University with his arms streched wide to encompass everyone with his love and grace. This help column tried to remember these values in answering questions, so that every answer is considerate and supportive. We’re opening our arms to your questions!
In each article there will be a question, submitted by a reader, and multiple different outlooks and opinions on what should be done in response to that question.
How do I ask a guy to just be my friends with benefits? I don’t want a boyfriend, I just want someone to hook up with and cuddle with now and then, but I don’t want to weird him out!
Dear Craving Cuddles,
Opinion 1: When asking someone to be friends with benefits, clarity is key. Here are a few ways to bring up being friends with benefits:
1. “Hey! I’m very attracted to you and I think we could have fun together, I’m not looking for anything in the realm of a serious relationship just friends with benefits, are you up for it?”
2. “I’ve been getting some vibes from you but the thing is, I’m not looking for a relationship or anything like that now, and I was wondering if you felt the same way and wanted to be friends with benefits?”
3. “I really want to kiss you/hook up but I don’t want any commitment right now…”
4. “Are you down for some Netflix and chill?”
Opinion 2: No matter how you decide to ask them, you should be comfortable communicating directly with any one you are going to be physical with. Before the “benefits” start kicking in, there are a few important things you need to discuss. It is very important that before you begin with any hook ups that the person you plan to have sex with is 100 percent clean and tested.
No matter the circumstance, virgin or not, before you join this journey together, you should know what you are getting your self into. Your health and safety is the main priority. Communication is key with have a FWB. You must keep an open conversation before, during, and after. There is alot that goes into being friends with benefits, so if you are not comfortable with being open, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
It takes a huge amount of maturity. Keep in mind that hooking up means different things to different people, so be sure you define what you are comfortable doing and what you are not willing to do before it starts.
Opinon 3: Also, keep in mind, one negative of being FWB here at Cal Lutheran is that we are such a small school, words get around. If you are not comfortable with the whole school finding out, then this might not be the best option for you. Discuss how public you are going to be about these hook ups, are you sworn to secrecy or screaming it to the world.
We have all seen the chiche FWB movies… at one point in every movie someone falls in love with the other. Even if you don’t fall in love with them, they might fall in love with you. And in result, you might loose this person forever. But it is possible to still be friends after, it just takes effort.