Just like everybody else, I cannot express how much I hated 2020. But, I have to give it some credit. There were a few good things that came out of last year.
I have learned so much this year. Was it completely overwhelming? Absolutely. I know I’ve said it a million times, but there is so much history for us to learn! Why were we not taught both sides of the story in school? Why were we not taught about so many amazing women in our history classes? Why are people still not learning it now, when there are so many resources available? It will forever baffle me. Anyways, having to learn all of this new information (as we all did), I at least discovered what I was passionate about and became more knowledgeable about our society and my own values.
Additionally, in the midst of all of this craziness, my anxiety and depression decided to show up for more days than not. I’ve had to learn more coping skills. Just to list a few, I learned that I love adult coloring books, and shows like New Girl and Schitt’s Creek have been my saving grace. Also, I finally realized that it’s okay if I need a day or two to recharge. It’s okay to not get out of bed, to cancel or say no to plans, or to not do everything that everyone expects you to do.
What I am proudest of is that I’m more confident now. I’ve always been shy, I’ve always hated having to speak in front of other people, and I was never sure of myself. Not only did I have problems with these things, but I’ve always thought that I have the weirdest body and have been so insecure about it. This past year, though, I think being forced to be alone with myself so much has helped me to start working on these things. I’m still shy, but now it depends more on the context. I still don’t like public speaking, but I’m learning ways to calm myself. I have become more comfortable and confident with my own opinions and values. And, last but not least, I’ve finally started to become okay with my body. Not only have I started to accept that it’s okay that my stomach isn’t flat and all the other little things that I don’t like, but I’ve started to take better care of my body. It makes me physically feel better, and it makes me feel proud of myself. I wouldn’t say I’m confident, but I’m definitely getting there.
This past year was so hard and felt like it was never going to end, but I am grateful for what it taught me about myself.