I’ve been through my fair share of failed relationships, and I won’t pretend that some of it wasn’t on me. But looking back on past relationships now, I realize that I was always the one giving more and sacrificing parts of myself to be who my significant other wanted me to be. I’ve taken back cheating boyfriends, found myself in toxic environments, been told I was “too much”. I always thought these things were my fault. If I tried a little harder, made myself a little smaller, I would be enough for them.
It took a long time to realize that I like myself the way I am and that I don’t need to change for anyone. I’m tired of the days I spent trying to figure out if there was something wrong with me. Of the days I spent trying not to care as much. Of the days wondering why he didn’t seem to care about me. I don’t mind if he doesn’t care anymore. I would rather love someone else with everything I have to offer than waste another minute on a guy who can’t see what’s right in front of him.
Which is why I refuse to settle.
Why would I spend my time with someone who doesn’t even really know who I am? Why am I going to settle for someone who only wants me on my good days? So to the guys who told me I was “too much”, maybe you just weren’t enough. I know what I have to give and I want to be with someone who makes me more of myself, not less. Sure, I’m a little intense but I like to live life 100%, and I won’t apologize for being passionate. I feel deeply, I care about the people around me with so much of myself, and if you miss out on that, well, I’m sorry.
My dad always told me never to settle for anyone and reminded me exactly what I deserve: someone who makes me a better person, who I’m proud to be with, and doesn’t leave me second-guessing how he feels about me. Someone who gives just as much as they receive, who realizes what a loss it is to lose me, and accepts every part of me. So when things don’t seem to be working out, I remember why I’m refusing to settle.