I would say 2020 was the worst year of my life, but I learned an important lesson over the quarantined months. While I was stuck in the house with nowhere to go, I was left alone with just my thoughts for long periods of time. At first, this was uncomfortable for me. I wasn’t used to being so bored, so alone. Pre-COVID, I was such a social butterfly, fully an extrovert. I would pick a night out with friends over anything. I never turned down plans. I always looked forward to the weekend. Because I was constantly on the go, I never slowed down to take time to myself. Of course, I had days when I would do nothing or weekends with no plans, and I didn’t mind not doing anything. But, I would occupy myself with a movie, a book, a game, my phone, or a nap — anything to fill the silence. The long months of quarantine made me realize these mindless time fillers were not going to be enough to get me through the pandemic.
The first few weeks of being locked in my house were the most torturous. I wanted to see my friends. I wanted to be out and about doing my usual social routine. I wanted to go out to eat, to the theater, to the club. All I was looking forward to was getting back to my normal life. I laid in bed day and night scrolling on my phone through old photos of my freshman fall, feeling sorry for myself that I wasn’t there anymore, mad at myself for not savoring those moments a little more. Eventually, this depressing routine took a toll on my mental health. Once I reluctantly accepted the reality of a long quarantine, I made a conscious effort to make the very most of the seemingly endless amount of free time I had.
I did a lot to pass the time: exercise, learning new recipes, spending more time with family, outdoor activities. But, my biggest accomplishment was falling in love with myself. The long, quiet days alone lead to me becoming friends with myself. I didn’t have endless distractions to drone out my thoughts, so I had to listen to them. I was able to deepen a connection with my inner self that I never thought was possible or important. Loving who you are is a journey that I was able to travel along this year. I learned a lot about myself, which was a nice surprise because you would think you already know everything about yourself. I was able to heal from past heartbreaks that I didn’t think I was still affected by and move on from old drama and relationships. I started doing things daily that I was proud of. Being proud of myself helped build my self-confidence.
Being happy in your own skin is definitely hard to be sometimes, and it is different for everyone. I had never taken the time to nurture my relationship with myself, and the quarantine kinda forced it on me, but I am ever so thankful that it did. Now, I work every day on growing into a better person and doing things that I love, so being by myself is like hanging out with my favorite person. It is still a struggle sometimes, but it is always worth working for.