A good movie should be moving, funny and maybe even make you ugly cry. While I do enjoy feeling nice emotions towards a movie, there is something addictive about an atrocious one. I find it is my business in life to find and mock as many bad movies as possible.
These movies are terrible…however, I love them SO much. I do not let a Christmas season go by without cackling at these garbage fires. They are everything. They have romance, magic and most of all a corny Christmas message. So sit down crack open that box of Christmas cookies and those spacious holiday pants because these will be on your must-watch list.
1. Snow Globe
Yes, these are ranked in order of awesomeness. Snow Globe is absolutely my favorite holiday movie. Christina Milan lives in New York and works at her family deli. She has all the right elements for a classic flick, a sassy best friend, an overbearing family and a lack of a significant other. So of course, when she receives a magical snow globe from a creepy stranger, things get wild! This movie has it all including a montage set to Britney Spears’ My Only Wish and deli meat wrapped like a Christmas gift.
2. Holiday in Handcuffs
Last year one of my best friends recommended that I check this one out and boy was that the recommendation of the century. This movie is just…yikes. It stars Mario Lopez as an unsuspecting stranger who is forced at gunpoint to meet Melissa Joan Hart’s family and pretend to be her boyfriend for Christmas. An actual quote from the movie’s trailer is “she’s holding him hostage, but he’s stealing her heart”. This movie is an American gem and must to be protected at all costs.
3. Christmas Do-Over
This was the first Christmas Free Form movie I ever saw and it’s a lot. It follows a dad separated from his wife who is set to spend Christmas with their son and her new boyfriend. As you maybe can tell from the title Jay Mohr or Kevin tries to piece his family together with each Christmas Day that is repeated. This movie features some Christmas sabotage, cringy holiday hijinks, and three grown men dressed up like snap peas.
4. 12 Dates of Christmas
This is also a Christmas do-over type. Busy working gal Kate Stanton played by Amy Smart is too busy for love. Until she has one terrible date that, over the course of twelve re-dos, turns into love. This movie also has a sassy best friend, an overbearing holiday neighbor, and an evil ex-boyfriend. It’s awesome, and it has a classic holiday message: the first date/first time you meet someone is never too early to proclaim your undying love.
I hope you enjoyed my holiday watch list. Please note that all these movies also have awkward pauses/whimsical looks around where a commercial break was supposed to go. I am wishing you all cringy movie nights filled with mashed potatoes, chocolate, and your finest deli ham wrapped in tissue paper with a bow on top. Have a very merry, awkward Christmas!
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