Hi, my name is Katie and I don’t know a lot about Zodiac signs.
That being said, I have been in my house for two weeks now and I have nothing to write about. I could write more quarantine content but since I’m filling most of my time with homework, if I wrote an article about how to fill your time at home, it would most likely be about my economics homework or about how I’m tired.
But, I thought I would make up some hot nonsense about your zodiac sign.
*DISCLAIMER* I have watched some zodiac sign videos because I have curiosity. However, I only have real knowledge about five zodiac signs. The rest of this is completely made up. I am not meaning to offend anyone with this article, and I want it to be made known that when I read about my sign for the first time (Sagittarius) I completely bought into all of it. I recently wrote another article and expressed my excitement that I shared the same sign with one Taylor Swift.
Without further ado here is your made-up advice/horoscope:
Aries
This zodiac sign is crazy. They love fire and being crazy. This weekend, if you are an Aries, do something wild like scaling a building or cliff diving (but also do it inside because…quarantine).
TAURUS
Man, you guys are very stable. You have strong convictions and you stick to your guns. This weekend, you should call a friend and have them tell you about their instability. It will make you feel good about yourself….because you are stable.
GEMINI
I feel like this group always gets the short end of the stick. I never hear nice things about the Gemini folk, but let’s change that! Hey Gemini people, have a nice weekend. Gather your friends and go looking for gems: emeralds, diamonds, rubies…get it cause you’re a gem-ini. Lol I crack myself up.
CANCER
I think that these ones just stay inside. So…do that.
LEO
I want to say that Leo people are better than everyone else? Not sure, asking for a friend.
VIRGO
If I am being honest, I didn’t even know this was a sign. All these people have birthdays right when school is starting…yikes. I keep giving weekend advice in this article, but everyone has to stay home anyway. I got nothing. Sorry Virgos.
LIBRA
Libra’s love Halloween. They love all things spooky and pumpkin related. So, my libra friends, try to find a pumpkin to carve this weekend, you’ll have fun.
SCORPIO
Scorpios can sting people with their vicious words like a scorpion. But most of the time, they’re super cool peeps. If you are a Scorpio, you should watch like a nature special on scorpions cause I think you guys might be related. But what do I know? (Nothing.)
SAGITTARIUS
This is the best sign (besides Leos I think). We win. We are the same as Taylor Swift probably.
CAPRICORN
I have this strange feeling that Capricorns love both New Years Eve and Unicorns. I don’t even think this article counts as advice anymore.
AQUARIUS
The Aquarius people are really good at drinking enough water. The rest of us have to keep up with their 8 ounces. They are healthy as heck and it shows.
PISCES
When I was little, I couldn’t pronounce the word spicy, so it came out something like pi-cy. That’s kind of the same thing. Have a good weekend you picey people!!
Okay I’m done. That took a lot more effort than I thought it would. Keep on being cool my people and stay safe.