This summer, before coming to college, I moved to Florida to live with my grandparents. I basically left because I had no ties keeping me at home until college and I no longer had my same friend group from high school to hang out with. I needed to get out. I didn’t really have a good relationship with my mother, so I stopped putting effort into talking with her. Honestly, I didn’t really put effort into reaching out to anyone over the summer, even my family. If someone texted me, of course, I wouldn’t ignore them, but I realized that many of my relationships relied on ME continuing the conversation. That was a real stressor in my life.
So, I spent the summer on sort of a sabbatical. I focused on myself, which was important to me, and getting ready for college, and It. Was. Awesome. Of course, my mom didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t talking to her all the time, but she didn’t really understand that she wasn’t initiating conversations with me, either. I really took the time to figure out who I was and what I wanted in my life and to teach myself that it didn’t have to be up to me to maintain relationships.
It really is a two-way street. If someone, even your family, isn’t positively contributing to your life and your health, it’s okay to set the necessary boundaries. It won’t be easy. Teaching yourself to let people go, especially family members, is a challenge.
Be kind and patient with yourself if you decide you need to create some space between you and a family member. Don’t be afraid to ask for space and don’t feel guilty for wanting a healthier environment for yourself, and remember, it doesn’t have to be forever. If you decide that your family member(s) can be in your life positively, then go for it!
Sometimes the family you are given doesn’t have to be the only family you have. Create your own family with people you meet, enjoy being around, and have healthy relationships with. The home you create with your significant other can be your family. Lastly, don’t forget about your pets! They’ll always be there for you.