Hello, my name is Sam and I watch way too much Sex and the City and happily so!
Photo Courtesy of Quinn Kirby
My life changes drastically during summer vacation.
What once consisted of weekends of dancing to mainstream rap music while terrifying my more conservative roommates with my wild child aspirations, has now become a calmer lifestyle.
Although I am enjoying the luminous sun rays, my blonder hair and bronze tainted skin, I can’t help but miss the nights when strobe lights shined brighter than daylight and people beached around keg stands instead of lakes.
The dudes that filled and colored the context of my previous article, “The Types of Guys You’ll Meet at the Party, Part I” are more rare during this off season.
Where did they go? What are they up to?
Some of them have remained in their college town where they play in local volleyball and soccer tournaments with their fraternity brothers. They enjoy warm, blissful afternoons of porch drinking and cool nights of patio drinking– both practices are distinctly different but just as rewarding.
Others may have gone abroad, where they live adventurously in the terrains of Southeast Asia or Western Europe. You stare into their Instagram profiles in awe and admit that you can’t help but to admire the vibe of a young explorer.
Then you have the business interns who are usually pretty thrilled to share how much money their supervisors are worth and that everyone in the office is “a total dime.”
And despite any flaws, caught feelings and mixed signals, I can only admit that I truly miss the party boys that have made the introduction to my college career so eventful.
When I began these journals, I wanted to only feature five types of guys. But now, I refuse to contain my holy knowledge from a world desperate to be educated.
Here are a few guys you can prepare to meet this fall…after all, summer is fleeting, but the memories of that party house basement are forever.
The Hippie-Dippie Dude
You categorized him as a hippie after you saw him strumming on an acoustic guitar, roaming the sidewalk towards his favorite shop for holistic items and vegan-friendly goods. His hair is obviously magnificent, like one of those television mermaids you used to idolize in kindergarten.
He rocks Grateful Dead shirts as though he stepped out of a Woodstock documentary, and he has already pre-ordered his tickets to music festivals like Electric Forest, Electric Daisy Carnival and Bonnaroo.
He compliments your practice’s progress in yoga class and is quick to praise a free spirit twirling in the dance crowd.
And despite musical preferences, you couldn’t help but admire his confidence when he requested funky house music to be played at the Rivalry Weekend Darty.
The Lover of Vape, Skate and Ye
He showed up to the chaotic celebration for the weekend’s football game, but skated away soon after his arrival because too many members of “Apple Pie Privilege” were trying to steal his joule.
He loves Kanye West, arguing politics and arguing the politics of Kanye West.
He is most immediately upset by statements such as, “Kanye sucks, I miss The College Dropout days,” “I don’t like to think about the government, it’s too stressful,” and “you’re going to need to take that outside if you’re going to smoke that.”
The One that Kills Your Coolness
I am proud to say that I have blossomed quite a bit since high school…or at least learned how to use my severe awkwardness as charm.
I make really funny jokes regarding current topics and am a self proclaimed, professional hair flipper. My diverse taste in music leads to easy conversation and my insightful quotes on nature, adventure and celestial vibes make me at least somewhat hip.
But then there’s the dude who makes me feel like I’m in preschool again, where concepts of coolness never existed.
It’s bittersweet, because when you’re attracted to this person, you want them to see you as one of those super groovy girls in John Green books that are later quoted in Tumblr threads.
But in contrast, it is actually really awesome to finally know someone you can be happily lame with.
And with that being said, this encyclopedia is to be continued…