Tired of being single? I’m here to tell you, the relationship life isn’t all its cracked up to be! Sure, there are times when we want someone to hold hands with or to just chill out and do nothing with, but have you ever noticed all of that nonsense that comes along with it?
Well, let’s take this stance: let’s say all of this nonsense out weighs the good, picture perfect, movie quality stuff. Have you ever just kicked back and watched others’ relationship roller coasters? You can even start to hear yourself saying, “I’m so glad I’m not dealing with that.” It’s not heartless; we’re all merely fed up with this “in-love” nonsense. If what we see on a day-to-day basis between teenagers “in-love,” the media scandals, and your best friend getting cheated on, what do you expect us to think?
All of these movies make fools out of us, for example the Notebook. Yes, I love that movie, as much as the next girl, and I wish things were like that, but they’re not. The whole “they fought all the time,” “work at love because I want you all day, every day,” I don’t know about you, but that stuff gives us hopes and expectations. Nothing is worse than having “movie quality” expectations just to be let down, and we usually learn the hard way.
I believe in Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Seize the damn day. Don’t waste your time on people that don’t want you or ”don’t know what they want.” Don’t waste your tears on someone who would never cry over you. There’s too many fish in the sea to be stuck on someone that lives within a 10-mile radius of you. Can I remind you that you are in college? Your college years are the only time in life where it is socially acceptable to celebrate Margarita Monday, dollar pints on Tuesday, Cabin Long Islands on Wednesday, Thirsty Thursdays, and then of course, indulge in the Friday-Saturday weekend. Your 20’s remains the only time where you can almost literally, do anything you want. You have no obligations to stay where you are, you don’t have house payments to make, a family to raise, and a lifelong career tying you down to a single location. This is the time to uproot yourself from your comfort zone and start from scratch somewhere new. This is the time to hit rock bottom, because you are going to hit rock bottom at least one time in your life and getting back up is much easier when you’re still young and resilient. Imagine hitting rock bottom when you’re making your way up the corporate ladder, some people don’t get back up from that kind of damage. Take the reins of your own life and steer it off course. Be happy, be free, feel alive.
I also believe in everything happening for a reason. If you have a stupid fight and break up, it happened for a reason, take the time to step back and think about why it happened. Let’s say you break up, date other people, and get back together; then maybe you know it was meant to be. In a different scenario, if you’re dating someone but then meet someone else that you find attractive, you met them for a reason, and you have those feelings for a reason.
Don’t stay with someone because you’re used to him or her. No one wants to be “used to” someone and lately people have been mistaking “used to you” or “comfortable with you” for “in love with you.” Yes, I’m single, how could I possibly know what I’m talking about? I’m single for a reason; I don’t let people treat me like I should glorify their presence, no matter how much I might like them. I don’t stay with someone because of possibilities or open-ended promises, and I don’t know about you, but I will never settle. Why should we? You should want to be with someone who is willing to fight for you as much as you’re willing to fight for them.
Some people haven’t found that yet, and they’re stuck in a rut that they have created in their own minds. I believe that it’s more than okay to spend some time being your own person, not forever, but for now. When you’re single you can do what you want, you can have fun the way you and your friends only know how. There are no obligations, and there’s no one to waste time crying over, because admit it, you hate the puffy red eyes too.
Embrace the feeling of finally not getting hurt by someone you care for. If people say you’re scared of commitment, let ‘em talk! First of all, it’s most likely coming from people that fight constantly and break up every two days (we all know those couples) and second of all, there’s no one you should want to be so committed to that it scares you; physically and mentally scares you to the point where you will do anything to prevent a break up. That is not healthy.
Be content with how you are and fall in love with your situation. It’s healthy to be alone, and not be defined by another person. This is the one circumstance where you can have your cake and eat it too! Flirt, crush, no strings attached and it’s good. Always keep in mind your morals and standards, and don’t settle for anything less than what you want. Life is too short to wake up stuck in a marriage with 3 kids, and suddenly realize “this isn’t you.”
If you need more reassurance, my last lines of advice lie within a quote I found one of those 3 AM, can’t sleep, air too cold, bed too warm, late night, early mornings:
“This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might.
They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to develop intimate friendships; they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.
Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.”
–Relevant Magazine